How to Stop Overthinking

Courtney Elmer  0:00  

Welcome back, you're listening to the AntiFragile Entrepreneurship™ Podcast. This is episode 151. And today we're talking about a huge problem that most of us experience as entrepreneurs. And that problem is overthinking. Now, this is also a very subtle problem, because you don't always catch yourself in the act of overthinking, it just happens, and then you feel the effects of it. And it can affect you physically, like this low grade, low level anxiety always playing there in the background. And of course, it drains you mentally, which prevents you from being able to show up as the visionary leader in your business. And while we may not be able to cure ourselves completely, from overthinking, you can learn about what causes it, how to stop it, when you notice it, and how to not let it interfere with you running your business. That's what today's episode is about. Because today's most recognized experts and authorities have all mastered this skill. And I'm going to show you how to do the same. That's all coming up next. So stay tuned. 

Courtney Elmer

Globally ranked among the top shows in business and education, we're known for one thing, helping overworked entrepreneurs like you learn how to run your business like a true visionary leader, because when you get the right systems support, and structure in place, you can spend more time in your zone of genius. So if you're tired of listening to today's business influencers teach this same old worn out marketing strategies that aren't making you any money, it's time to take a look under the hood of your business and fix the engine itself. Because the truth is, you don't have to work as hard as you are right now to scale beyond six figures, and create the greater influence income and impact that you deserve. The secret to scaling starts on the back end of your business. This is the AntiFragile Entrepreneurship™ Podcast.

Courtney Elmer

Now chances are if you've been listening to the show for any length of time, you know that the number one place that I hang out online is Instagram. In fact, so many of you listening right now have sent me messages saying how much value you're getting out of this show. And it means a ton to me like you have no idea when I get one of these messages from you saying oh my gosh, episodes such and such made all the difference for me, or I never heard something explained like that before. Like, it just totally makes my day. So earlier this year, we were really trying to master Instagram. And by master it, I mean, like figure out this whole real thing, because I was like, Alright, we're gonna go all in, we're going to do reels every day. I'm going to do all of these reels, blah, blah, blah. And while it was a very fun process to try to figure that out, I also learned several things very quickly. Number one, it takes a lot of tenacity to grow on social media. Oh, my goodness, chances are if you've attended any one of my lead gen workshops, you know how I feel about social media, and relying on it solely as a lead generation strategy. This is a big no, no, if you want to scale past six figures and make it to seven figures, that you should not be solely relying on social media as your strategy for lead generation. So that's one side of the coin on the other side of the coin. I like social media. Why? 

Courtney Elmer

Because it allows me to connect with you. And one of my biggest, deepest core values is connection. If you know me, you know this to be true. And so this is why I love Instagram. So I shared my stories every day, we have rained our reels back a little bit or scaled them back, if you will, where I'm really focused on just sharing high value content there now and we use it to test out new content ideas. So that's how I use it from a content perspective. But where I live on Instagram is in my DMs I can't tell you how many messages I get a day from people. And I love just being able to send like a quick Voice Memo back or just a quick message because that connection piece to me is so important. So why am I sharing all of this with you while I'm sharing this with you because back in February I posted a real that was totally out of left field for me this was not like a trendy real this was not one of those sounds that you replicate and words on the thing you know all that this was literally just me face to camera. I had just had a coaching call was in between calls for the day. And I just got this hit of inspiration. Now for those of you who are into human design, I'm a manifesting generator. Now I'm not very into human design. I don't know a ton about it. 

Courtney Elmer

I am definitely not an expert, but I do know that I'm a manifesting generator. And I know that as a manifesting generator, my best ideas come in the form of like rapid inspiration. So like they will just hit me out of the blue most often when I'm laying in bed at night trying to fall asleep and I like literally will turn over like four times and put stuff in the notes in my phone. If you were to ever go in my phone notes, you would be like oh my gosh, what is this? It's like a minefield of ideas. And that is how inspiration comes to me. So I'm in the middle of these coaching calls. This inspiration hits me out of the blue and I'm like I've got to just make a quick video about that. So I literally flip the camera around, I record this video, and I post it and I go about my business, I go back to my calls and move through my day. Now, this video got a few likes in the beginning, nothing crazy. But a couple of weeks after I posted it, which was kind of crazy to me, it was not immediately after, but it was a couple of weeks after all of a sudden this video took off. It got almost 200,000 views. It was our most viral piece of content ever. If you consider that viral and 200,000 views that was a viral for me, I was like holy cow, like people are really resonating with this. It brought in over 200 followers in about a week's time. 

Courtney Elmer

And the topic of the reel had nothing to do with what I teach. It had nothing to do with systems. It had nothing to do with podcasting. And that's why it was so interesting to me to see how people really resonated with this. The topic of the real was overthinking. And I believe the reason that it was effective is because overthinking is something we have all experienced as business owners. I mean, stop and think about it right now, how many times have you overthought something today? You know, a couple of weeks ago, at the time of this recording, it was Black Friday. And being that it was Black Friday, of course, you know, all this stuff goes on sale, especially electronics. And I'm in the process of redoing my office right now. I ordered a new desk recently, I got a new wireless keyboard and you trackpad. And I have been running my business from a laptop for almost six years. And it's been fine. But I'm also at the point where like, I'm squinting at the screen, and I'm like, I think I need something a little bit bigger, to be able to see I don't know if I'm getting older if the screen is getting smaller, what's going on there. 

Courtney Elmer

So I was shopping monitors because I need a new monitor. And I kind of was thinking okay, maybe maybe I'll break down maybe I'll get the iMac. Maybe it's time. Or maybe I'll just get a monitor. And this was what I was overthinking. And I caught myself, I caught myself in the very act of overthinking and I had so many tabs open I was down so many rabbit holes of so many different ideas of what I could potentially do either go with the iMac or go with like this monitor or get this refurbished thing or get that or what. And I was like, This is ridiculous. And I closed all the tabs and I bought nothing. I bought nothing. And we've all had that experience, right? When we're presented with too many options, we just shut down. And we do nothing. We know this. This is why people are always telling you only give one call to action. Only teach bite sized content. Like that's why people tell you that right. And there's an author I love her name is Emily Freeman. And she wrote the book called The next right thing. And in that book, she says it so well. She says stop focusing on trying to make the best decision and instead just make the next decision. But like the smart little entrepreneur that you are, I know that your mind immediately jumps to Okay, but how can I be sure what the next right decision is? 

Courtney Elmer

And the reason I do that is because that's where my mind goes to. And so by the end of this episode, my hope is that the answer to this question will be a little bit clearer for you. So that the next time you find yourself overthinking, you'll have the tools at hand that you need to make deciding something feel a little easier. Now just so we're clear. In this episode, I'm not talking about those decisions that feel like an easy yes. I'm speaking at a podcasting conference in January in Orlando, when they let me know that I was selected to speak. I was like, hell yeah, I'm in like, that was an easy Yes, right? I'm talking about the decisions in your life or in your business that feel a little more gray. They're a little more nebulous. Those times, you know, you need to make a choice. But you feel like you can't quite see every angle clearly enough to do so. Now, what I'm not going to do in this episode, is I am not going to waste your time going into stats on decision fatigue. I'm not going to talk about all the decisions we're called to make on a daily basis and how this ruins our ability to focus and why it's better to make decisions at the beginning of the day instead of at the end. Chances are you've heard all that nonsense already. And the reason why I won't waste your time with it is because none of that solve the real problem. Because surprisingly, the real problem is not overthinking. It's not overthinking at all the real problem and listen closely to my voice right now.

Courtney Elmer  9:51  

The real problem is not trusting yourself to make a decision and be okay with the decision you make and all So, with changing your mind, if and when this situation warrants it, you might want to play that back. I'll say it again, the real problem is not overthinking the real problem is not trusting yourself to be okay with the decision you make, and to change your mind if and when the situation warrants it. By always trying to make the right decision or the best decision, you're actually putting yourself on the fast track, to slowing down your growth. But in order to unpack why this happens, I need you to come back in time with me and revisit my college days in English Lit 101. Now, I know I know, every time I tell someone that my major that I majored in college was English literature, they kind of look at me, and they do that double blink, you know, we're like, their jaw drops a little bit and they just kind of Blink their eyes. And then they find something nice to say. And I've seen that look way too many times. 

Courtney Elmer

And I know like English literature of all things who would want to read and write all that nerdy stuff? Well, apparently me. So English literature, I will tell you this degree has not been at all useful for me, in the technical side of things, except for times like this, when knowing about verb tenses can actually help you out. So you're gonna have to nerd out with me for a minute. Okay, I'm gonna give you a pop quiz. What kind of verb is the word decision? Do you know what kind of verb it is? Now, if you said a transitive verb, well, you're right. If you sat there and we're like, what the heck Courtney? No, I have no idea what kind of verb that is. Just tell me a transitive verb. Now, if you Google that I won't fault you either, because I had to Google to double check the proper term for this. But I knew what I was trying to describe here, I just forgot the term. Because the best way that I have ever heard a transitive verb described, is a verb, frozen in time. A verb frozen in time. The word decision is a frozen verb. So is the word conclusion, opinion, commitment, some common words that get thrown around a lot in our online business world, don't they? Now, the problem with all of these verbs is that they all imply something has been done, a decision has been made, a conclusion has been drawn, an opinion has been stated, a commitment has been made. And when we phrase the tense of the verb, we freeze the action associated with it. In other words, a decision that has been made is a done deal. There's nothing else you can do about it. And this is one of the reasons why decisions can feel so hard to make. Because they feel final. This is why commitments can feel so hard to keep why conclusions feel final, and opinions feel polarizing.

Courtney Elmer

 It's all or nothing language. Because if you've held that opinion, and others know that it's your opinion, it can feel really impossible to change your mind because, oh my gosh, what are other people going to think you're going to get hate for it? Look, I follow this health influencer online, he would not call himself a health influencer, he would probably call himself a health health enthusiast or health scientist, I don't know what he would call himself. This guy is a wealth of knowledge, when it comes to how our bodies work. And what I respect and admire so much about him is that even though he is not a traditional health expert, I'm putting that in air quotes, like a doctor, right or some kind of medical professional, he is a researcher. And what he will do is he will research something to the nth degree, he will experiment with it on his own body, and he will share the conclusions that he comes to, for you to help you benefit your health. So I have like mad respect for this guy. And he shares a lot of thoughts online that people do not agree with. But he has a very loyal following as well. This is also side note why it's so important to be polarizing in your marketing. Because we want to repel the people that don't actually align with who we are and what we stand for and attract those that do. And so recently, he changed his mind on something. And he lost a lot of followers. Because people said, oh, my gosh, you were so against that for the longest time. Now you're saying you're for it. 

Courtney Elmer

Oh, You're so wishy washy and all of this. However, his true followers supported him. He got so much love from so many people, because people appreciated his honesty, his transparency, in a world where it would have been so easy to say, Well, I had this opinion and all of these 1000s of people know that I have this opinion, therefore, I cannot change my opinion, because these people will think less of me. He did not do that. He went out there and said, Look, I used to believe this for these reasons. And now new evidence has come to light, I've done more research, and I've changed my mind. And I am sharing this with you for the sake of your health. And for his community, he was courageous enough to state a new opinion. It doesn't mean he was wrong for having the old one. But it means he wasn't so attached to his opinion, or decision or commitment to be short sighted about it. Do you see what I'm getting at here? Decisions can feel very hard to make because they feel undoable. that very word is frozen in time. And often we've been taught as much, you got to make up your mind and stick with it. Alan is trying to instill this within our son right now. And I'm over here trying to teach him that it's okay to change your mind. And yes, of course, there is value in doing what you say you're going to do. I 100% believe that Alan is not wrong for teaching this principle to our son, it is an important principle to teach. And I also believe that it is okay to change your mind if circumstances shift. 

Courtney Elmer

If new information comes to light, or if a better choice becomes obvious. And this is an equally important principle. But it's one that gets overlooked or forgotten or just completely unacknowledged altogether. Think back to when you were a little kid, how many times were you told that you had to make up your mind and stick with it. I mean, I could give you all the sports examples here, right? Maybe you played ball as a kid, or you were swimmer or you did whatever sport it was. And at some point along the way you wanted to quit, you didn't want to do it, maybe you didn't love it as much as you did initially. Or maybe you just got tired of it or bored with it. Or maybe you never liked it that much to begin with. And you tried to voice that to your parents, you tried to explain to them i i don't want to do this anymore. And your parents made you do it, they made you stick with it because they were trying to teach the value and doing what you say you're going to do and following through and finishing something. Now we can sit here and talk about this. For hours, we could talk about all the many facets of the importance of doing what you say you're going to do, and also leaving your options open. Because in some situations, I bet I'd be willing to bet that had your parents just maybe sat down and really listened to what you were trying to say. 

Courtney Elmer

Maybe they would have saw that you weren't trying to quit something that maybe that you had interests elsewhere. And maybe by stopping playing softball, it would have freed you up to be able to pursue music or dance or whatever it might be. But often people can get so fixated on making sure that their children are not quitters. Right, I'm not raising a quitter. That we don't allow them to change their mind, we don't allow them to express themselves. Now, I would hope that as a parent, when we arrive at that situation with our son one day in the not so distant future, that if he comes to us, and he really explains why he's not enjoying something that we've enrolled him in, that we as his parents would be able to discern the difference, to know when to help and encourage him to see it through and when to pull back. And to be okay with it either way, because if your parents raised you to not quit, or to stick with what you said you were going to do, chances are it served you well in some instances, but maybe not so well in others. How is it serving you right now? Don't get me wrong. It is important to do what you say you will do.

Courtney Elmer  19:35  

If you've ever taken the strengths finders test, Clifton Strengths finders, they have 34 strengths. We all have all of the strengths, but there are five of them that shine in each and every one of us so in my top five is responsibility. Now the way that Clifton Strengths finders describes responsibility is a A psychological commitment to doing what you say you will do. This is why it is so hard for me to cancel appointments on my calendar. This is why it is so hard for me to change my mind. Because following through with something I said I was going to do is in my very nature, it is how I am wired. And for many of us, this is a trait of integrity, of honesty, of trust. And all of those are things that I value deeply, chances are you do too. But in relationships and in business, it can be limiting, at times. Think about it this way, has there ever been a time when you made a decision in your business. And later it became apparent that maybe that was the wrong decision. But you stuck it out, you stuck to your guns, you've dug in your heels, and you follow through with it only later to realize it was definitely the wrong decision. And you should of course, correct it a long time ago, you would have saved yourself a lot of time, a lot of energy and maybe even a lot of money in the process. I've had many experiences like that.

Courtney Elmer

 And what I have come to realize, and what I found is that being an entrepreneur requires flexibility. Our businesses change and grow so rapidly. online business is like a speedboat. Unlike giant corporations, giant corporations are more like cruise ships, it takes a lot for a cruise ship, to shift to change course, a lot of space, a lot of energy, a lot of time and a lot of navigation. Whereas a speedboat, heck, you shift that throttle, you change that rudder, and suddenly you're moving in a whole new direction. And that's kind of how online business is. But what if you had that rudder set east? Suddenly you realize you're going to run into an embankment of trees? Now what have you stuck to your guns? And you said, No, we made a decision to travel east. So East it is east, we're going to travel? Well, that'd be a pretty dumb move, wouldn't it? Yeah, of course it would. But this is what so many of us do. We don't allow ourselves to change our minds to course correct. Now, sometimes when you start off in a direction, you can't know that some major obstacle potentially life threatening, like an embankment of trees is going to be there until you're headed in that direction. But if you don't course correct, what's going to happen? You don't need me to tell you. I can tell you so many stories. 

Courtney Elmer

Over the past almost six years, the time of this recording that I have been running an online business of how many times I've dug in my heels, and thought that things would change that I didn't have to change my decision that the external circumstances would change. I'm going to set the record straight right now. That embankment of trees and going anywhere, the embankment of trees is the embankment of trees is the embankment of trees, the external circumstances are not always subject to change, we cannot depend on external circumstances changing in order to save us from the embarrassment of having to go back against our work. Look, I have made so many hires in the course of my business, the majority of them were not great hires. And I could sit here and tell you story after story about how I thought, well, maybe with just a little more training, well, maybe if I just give them a little more time, well, maybe if I haven't interact with someone else on the team, maybe they're not responding well to me, but maybe they would get along better with someone else reporting to someone else. How many times that I just dug in my heels and said, I made this decision to hire this person, I'm going to stick it out. And with time, it's going to get better, inevitably would happen. It never got better, I'd have to let the person go. And soon I learned first of all, to put a 90 day onboarding period in place, so that it protects them and me so that if during that time we figure out we're not a good fit, no problem, we go our separate ways. So that from a practical perspective, but I also learned that if on an internal level I ever felt like this is not going the direction that we intended it to go. That it's okay to change my mind that it's okay to move on. 

Courtney Elmer

That it's actually doing a disservice to that person if I were to keep them on knowing deep down full well that we aren't a fit for each other Because I'm holding them back from a better opportunity. And all I realized is that what maybe this opportunity wasn't the opportunity for either of us that we thought it was going to be if that's okay. To be okay with that. So in business, as a visionary leader, you need to make choices. You need to move forward, you need to follow through. Yes. And we need to also allow ourselves room to course correct. To say, Hey, I thought this was going to work out, but I'm realizing it's not. And to be okay with it. But maybe you're wondering, okay, Courtney, but how do I course correct when a decision has been made? And when I've made that commitment to myself or to someone else? It can kind of feel like breaking a promise, doesn't it? There's another Frozen verb. Oh, and all the mind chatter that comes up when we're about to break a promise. Because what does that say about you? 

Courtney Elmer

To be someone who doesn't keep their commitments or their promises or their word? makes you a flake? Can you see how this is quite the conundrum. They see the problem here. It's not about overthinking at all. It's about being afraid to renege on your commitments to yourself, and on looking like a fool for not doing what you said you would do. Even if that means running into an embankment of trees. Instead of operating in integrity and in alignment with what you know you need to do. And it can keep you stuck in your business. We can all think of someone in our lives who we've seen dig in their heels that turned out to be detrimental damaging to their growth and to their success. I mean, we all know what happened to Icarus when he flew too close to the sun, right? His dad was saying, dude, dude, hello, you need to course correct the whole frickin time. Come on, son, change your mind. The story doesn't tell us what his dad was thinking in that moment. Like, oh crap, I've taught my son to be a man of his word and to do what he said he would do and it is literally backfiring in front of my eyes. What have I done, right? 

Courtney Elmer

We don't know what is what was going through his dad's mind in that moment. But would things have been different if Icarus had learned that it was okay to change his mind? Now, we both know that Icarus had a lot of ego, riding on his decision to fly straight into the sun. And I can say the same about the entrepreneurs who feel like they can't change their mind, because their mind is made up. Which brings us right back to why we overthink in the first place. We want to know the right or the best decision because we don't want to reach a point where we realize Oops, that was not the best decision. But because I said I was going to do X, Y or Z. Now I have to follow through. We want to avoid the pain of feeling stuck. We want to avoid feeling like we can't course correct. Logical, right? Because if I were to make the right decision from the get go, Well, I wouldn't have to look like a fool later on when I need to change my mind because there'd be no need to change my mind. So when it comes to overthinking, there is a lot of ego at play. There is a lot of ego riding on these decisions. Which brings us right back to these dang frozen verbs. So what do we do? Well, what if I told you that there's a way to unfreeze those verbs, and to give yourself full permission to change your mind whenever you needed to without looking like a fool? While remaining a person of integrity while being someone who operates with integrity and transparency and honesty, and from the truth, every single time? How would that feel? To run your business like a true visionary leader? Knowing that you can course correct and change your mind at any time? What will become possible for you? How might you approach your day differently? If overthinking wasn't always getting in the way.

Courtney Elmer  29:30  

Do you want to know how to unfreeze these verbs? I'm just asking. I mean, you know, because if you don't, we can just stop the episode right here. But I'm gonna go ahead and assume you're nodding your head. Yes. And you're probably like, okay, Courtney. Yeah. Tell me tell me what to do. How do we unfreeze these verbs? The simplest way to do it, is to put it back into the present tense. You ready? Listen closely, instead of a decision? What is it that you're deciding? instead of a commitment, what are you committing to in this moment? Instead of an opinion? What are you choosing to believe right now? The next time you find yourself overthinking, you're going to remember what I have just taught you inside this episode. That true visionary leaders reserve the right to change their mind. When faced with a decision, you're going to make the conscious choice to decide to decide to the best of your current ability so that you can move forward. And remember, the best part is that you can always change your mind. True leaders aren't afraid to do so. Now I get it if your ego is pushing back on me here a little bit. And if it is, if you're noticing, you've been resistant to anything I've been saying in this episode, I invite you to explore the reason for that. 

Courtney Elmer

Because until you can learn how to make educated choices, while also giving yourself the room to course correct when the situation warrants it. You'll struggle to run your business, you'll struggle to run it like a true visionary leader, that's for sure. And you'll be spending your time realizing too late that you're off course trying to get back on course and wasting a whole lot of time and energy in the process. Entrepreneurship is about learning to be quick on your feet, to move intentionally but lightly, to move period. And to move again, if you find that you need to. Now I know I've given you a lot to think about here. And I really would love to hear your take on this. Do you agree with what I've shared? Do you disagree? Did you have an AHA or a moment of insight where you're like, Whoa, I never thought of it that way. But that makes a lot of sense. What I want you to do is I want you to come connect with me on Instagram. You can find me at the Courtney Elmer screenshot this episode share two stories tag me and do your fellow business owner friends a favor let him know about the show, let them know that this is worth their time to listen to. 

Courtney Elmer

And if you had a huge takeaway from this episode, I would really love to get a DM from you telling me about it. I personally answer all of my DMs my team is not in my DM inbox on Instagram. At least not for now maybe one day when we're in the multiple seven figures eight figure business like I won't be able to be in my DMs all the time. But right now I am. So if you want to get access to me, you have a question or you have a topic that you want to see me cover on a future episode. Or you have a takeaway, something that really jumped out at you that you were like, Whoa, yeah, this made me think differently, Courtney, thank you for that. I'd love to hear about it. So shoot me a DM anytime. I love to know what our listeners are thinking after you listen and absorb these episodes. And coming up next week on the show. We're going to talk a little bit more about mindset. Yeah, you know why? Because at the time of this recording, we're about to move into a new year. And chances are this year, you're already starting to look back and noticing what went well. And you're noticing maybe what didn't go so well. 

Courtney Elmer

And one of the things that is essential for us as leaders to do, often not just at the end of the year, but frequently is to check in with our own blind spots. What are the blocks that we're dealing with internally, mentally that are preventing us from getting what we want. So next week, we're going to be talking about specifically the mindset blocks that prevent you from growing your team, as well as daily practices and supports to help you overcome this to replace those outdated old worn out mindsets that are not serving you. replace them with new mindsets that allow exponential growth and allow you to recognize when to take advantage of opportunities without overthinking or second guessing. So you can begin trusting yourself more as the leader of your business and approaching all of your decisions, especially your team decisions with utmost confidence. All right, I'll see you back here next Tuesday, my friend. Until then, go live your EffortLESS Life®.