The Truth About Perfection

Courtney Elmer - 00:00

As an entrepreneur, chances are you're all too familiar with the tug of perfection. And the illusion that you need the perfect timing or the perfect conditions or a perfectly mapped out plan or for it all just to feel right somewhere inside of your body before you can take your next step. And I happen to fall into the category of Enneagram ones who are aptly nicknamed the perfectionists, so take it from someone who knows. Perfection is only good for helping you get overlooked in the online space. Things move at such a rapid pace today that there is no time for perfection if you want to be seen as a respected thought leader.

And chances are you already know perfection isn't helping you. But how do you actually break free from the trap of perfection so that you're free to pursue your biggest dreams with confidence without needing to get them right? I'm going to show you how inside today's episode, so stay tuned.

Courtney Elmer - 01:06

Globally ranked among the top shows in business and education, we're known for helping overworked online business owners navigate the ups and downs on the way to seven figures. Each week you're going to learn how to get the right systems, structure, and support in place so you can build a self-sustaining online business that thrives in a rapidly changing digital environment and grow through what you go through to create the greater income, influence, and impact you deserve.

This is AntiFragile Entrepreneurship™. 

Courtney Elmer- 01:38

There's a belief circulating around in this entrepreneurial community that if I don't get it right, then I'm a failure. And I am all too familiar with this belief. This is one that has slowed me down so often and for so many years. It's kind of embarrassing to admit, but it's one of those things that, unless we talk about it, unless we bring it into the light and take a look at what's really going on here under the surface of this need or this desire to get it right, to have everything working perfectly, This illusion of everything being well-oiled and running smoothly and the comparison that we make to other entrepreneurs who we believe have everything running smoothly in their online business.

Spoiler alert, nobody does. They don't. There is no such thing as a perfect online business. But we continue to buy into this belief. And it can really, really interfere with your ability, number one, to be seen as a respected expert and, number two, to grow your online business.

Courtney Elmer - 02:44

Because it's going to slow you down, it will cause you to become the bottleneck in your business at some point. So even if you've already crossed the multi-six or seven-figure mark and you are operating at a high level in your online business, chances are you've dealt with the illusion of perfection, and maybe you even still feel at the rear it's head every so often. And you'd think that after being in online business for almost seven years myself and knowing full well that perfection is one of my natural born tendencies, I came into this world with this tendency.

You'd think that I'd have figured out a way to get rid of it for good by now. But that's the irony about the illusion of perfection. You can be fully aware that it's an illusion and still fall under its spell without realizing it. And certainly, I have learned in many ways and in many aspects throughout my online business to move forward despite things not being perfect.

Courtney Elmer - 03:43

And sometimes, I even actively allow myself to leave things imperfect. Like last week when I was editing the automated email sequences inside of our email service provider. And I specifically chose not to go back and edit something minor that, while it was driving me absolutely crazy that it didn't say what I wanted it to say, it also wasn't hurting anything. And it certainly wasn't worth the hour that it would have taken me to edit the text and then reconnect it on the back end to every landing page that I would have needed to reconnect it to make sure that it was done, quote-unquote, right.

And then there are those times when I purposely wear mismatched socks. Or I let the laundry pile up. Or like when I fold the laundry and purposely throw all my underwear in the door without folding them like I used to.
Now I know, before you laugh, I used to iron my sheets too, okay? And then I became a mom, and then I found out that there are way better things to do with my time.

So if you are a natural-born perfectionist, you're probably laughing right along with me right now because you get it. You get it, and if you're not a perfectionist, you're probably laughing at me. And that is okay. I mean, come on, ironing sheets? I know. I know. Who in their right mind, right?


Courtney Elmer - 04:56

I'm just being real with you here because no matter where you fall on any given personality assessment, we are all captivated by the allure and by the desire to get things right when it's something that's important to us. Where this becomes a problem in business, particularly online business, because thanks to social media, we are indoctrinated daily to believe that the spotlight is the only light. And then, if you're not in the spotlight, there's something that you're not doing right. And any good marketer knows to take complete advantage of your innate human desire to avoid doing it wrong, to avoid mistakes, to fix problems, and to avoid pain. This is how programs get sold.

This is how money is made. This is how the online world turns out. It's so easy to be swayed by the illusion to get it right, do it right, make it right. And with or without knowing it, it's a pursuit of perfection that hate to break it to you, but is never going to happen in this life. And it can cause black-and-white thinking, all-or-nothing thinking, which can really hurt your ability to grow as an online business owner. And again, you might be fully aware of this, just like I am, but you still find yourself investing in that next coach or enrolling in that next program to help you fix this or solve that. And there's a time and place for investing.

Courtney Elmer- 06:29

I'm a huge advocate of having a coach or mentor. You'll never find me without one. But it causes a bit of a conundrum. To know full well that perfection only slows you down, but to still feel the need, the urge even, to get everything right in your online business. To the point where you will sometimes even blindly pay people to help you fix something that maybe doesn't really need fixing.

I mean, come on, is that new website magically going to bring you more leads and sales? How many times have you updated your website only to find that it didn't bring you the conversions that you wanted?

Courtney Elmer - 07:13

And look, I am the first to admit I have invested well over six figures into my online business, into my personal growth, and into my professional growth. And there was this one time when I invested over $20,000 with a coach, which at the time was a huge investment for me.

It was like, you know, your throat closes up, and your heart starts beating, and you're like, am I crazy for making this investment? This feels like a lot of money. Only to realize later, $23,000 later, by the time all the payments and all of that were said and done. That I didn't really need what she was offering as much as I thought I did.
And chances are you've had similar experiences.

Courtney Elmer - 07:58

And how much money would you save if you trusted yourself just a little bit more and needed to get it right just a little bit less? And all of this begs a deeper question, is there really a right way to build an online business?

In the summer, I work weekends so that I can be home with my son during the week when he's not in camp. Is that right? Not according to our culture's belief of when you're supposed to work and not work, I get pitiful looks from people when I tell them I'm working on a Saturday. But what if I love working Saturdays because it means I can focus and the inbox is quiet, the team isn't sending me questions, and I'm able to get to the work that I need to get done and knock it out? Whereas doing that work on a Tuesday with my son at home would be pure and total chaos.

Courtney Elmer- 08:58

Who decides when and how you work, but you? And chances are we'd agree there's no right way. We know this, right? We see people building all kinds of businesses all kinds of different ways and even advocating, sometimes strongly advocating, for running an online business how it works for you, not how it works for someone else. Yet even though we may know this logically, why is it then that you still feel the need to wait for things to be perfect before starting something new? Waiting on the perfect timing, the right time. How many times have you been on a sales call with someone who's given you that as an excuse or an objection?

Oh, I just don't know if it's the right time. Come on, if not now, then when? Waiting on the right conditions. I'm guilty of this. I give summer as an excuse for all the things. Look, there are tons of things I want to invest in right now. And I'm like, you know, but it's summertime, and that's a harder time for me. It's a bit slower season in business. My son is home. Things are a bit messy and chaotic. I'm off my schedule, right? The conditions aren't perfect. And using that as an excuse to not go after what you want. Waiting for a perfect feeling inside of your body.

Courtney Elmer - 10:14

There are a lot of people who are into all kinds of things like meditation and manifestation and all of these things that really promote following your feelings. And in business, that's just not going to work. And I'm not saying to ignore your feelings.

I am very intuitive. I lean into my gut all of the time. When you run your entire online business that way, just waiting on the right feeling inside of your body before you can make a decision, Chances are you are holding yourself back because sometimes that feeling is not going to come until you get into action. And there are times when the feeling proceeds to action, but there are times when it follows it.

Courtney Elmer - 11:00

So here's the thing. As business owners, we cannot solve emotional problems with logic alone. Because the reality is the need to get it right is a belief that stems from a much deeper fear of failure or rejection, or abandonment. And that the meaning that's often assigned to the belief that, gosh, if I don't get this right, then I'm a failure, is that it will mean you're not lovable, you're not worthy. You're not good enough.

So, perfection is a coping mechanism. Most likely developed in early childhood, where at some point, you decided you needed to get it right to be loved or to avoid pain.

Courtney Elmer- 11:55

That if you didn't mess up and you made those A's, and you did what your parents wanted you to do even if you didn't want to do it that way. And for bonus points, you made your bed every morning. That you win the affection and the love of people who are supposed to love you without you having to do anything to earn.

And I can speak about this because I know first-hand, And so perhaps without realizing it, this belief is now being replicated in your adult life as an entrepreneur, wanting to get it right for it to appear like you've got your act together, for it to appear like you know what you're doing, for it to appear perfect, for you to have an online business that operates like a well-oiled machine.

And all of this often hides behind the labels of being professional, seeming legit, and appearing successful. In order to earn the attention and the recognition of the people, you're here to help. This belief has been very prevalent in my online business through the years. I am very acutely aware of it right now, which is even why I felt compelled to record this as a podcast episode for you.

Courtney Elmer- 13:14

Because literally just this morning, I was journaling about this and the ways that this belief is still showing up in my online business and the ways that I still need to work on reframing this, despite all the work that I've done on this belief through the years.

Because until you learn how to fully reframe this core belief, Then the need to be seen as perfect or like you've got your act together or the need to get it right is only going to continue to slow you down. I don't know if you follow Sarah Kubrick on Instagram, she's at @millennial.therapist and she put a post out recently that said, you know, we waste time waiting for the perfect moment. But your future is not guaranteed, so stop saving your dreams, your love, your chances, that difficult conversation, your healing, your growth, pursuing something you want to pursue; stop saving it for later.

Go out and experience your life. Stop postponing it. Stop avoiding it by waiting for the right time.

Courtney Elmer - 14:21

You can look back through history. Look at any great musician, any great composer. Many of them Beethoven, Bach. They have songs that we would all recognize. The tune someone walks down the aisle to at their wedding, right? We know these songs. But they didn't just write one piece of music that became a viral hit.
Or two pieces or three pieces. They weren't perfect. They were prolific. That was the secret to their success. Bach wrote over eleven hundred pieces of music in his time. But you and I would probably only recognize a handful of his greatest hits. Even modern-day artists.

Courtney Elmer - 15:03

Look, we were in the car the other night, driving both of my sisters to a Dermot Kennedy concert. And I'm on the way there, and I'm like, have I heard any of his music? I feel like a really old millennial right now who's not like on the cutting edge of like, what's new? And they're like, Courtney, oh my gosh, come on, Dermot Kennedy, it's Dermot Kennedy. I'm like, okay, all right, Dermot Kennedy, give me a song. What does he sing? So they're giving me these top songs, right?

Courtney Elmer- 15:24

And even if you go into Spotify, you see his highlight reel. It's the top five songs that people listen to over and over that have the most streams. But despite how popular those five songs are, and yes, I did recognize one of them. Dermot Kennedy has hundreds of songs that most people probably don't even know about. Maybe never even heard. Maybe some that Dermot Kennedy himself never even published because he didn't think they were good enough.

But the point is, the great composers, the great musicians, and the great athletes were not perfect; they were prolific.

Courtney Elmer - 15:59

Babe Ruth didn't hit 714 home runs because he knew how to perfectly swing a bat and that he knew how to do that. He waited for the right time and the right conditions, and the right feeling in his body, and he finally went out there and swung the bat, and he hit a home run.

That's not how it works. He swung the bat a million times in order to hit those 714 home runs, and he kept swinging, and he kept swinging even when he didn't get it right. The great scientists of our time, we all know Thomas Edison found 10,000 ways to fail before he invented the light bulb. I remember in the early days of the internet that was like one of the only quotes you would see circulating around when internet quotes became popular.

Courtney Elmer- 16:43

Here's the truth. You are your own worst critic. I'll be honest with you right now. I am procrastinating writing a book that I have been wanting to write, thinking about writing, taking action, and exploring the best ways to go about writing for almost seven years now. And I'm still putting it off. Why?

Because it has nothing to do with getting it right. That's the excuse I'm telling myself, right? That it's not the right time, right now, as I'm recording this episode, it's summertime. My son is home. It is busy. I have a lot going on in my business. There's no way I could write this book. When the reality is I know that writing that book is a huge play.

Courtney Elmer- 17:35

At least it feels like a huge play for me because, guess what? Everything that I put in that book, it's an opportunity for people to love me. And it's an opportunity for people to hate me, to reject me, to troll me, to unfollow me. And at the heart of that, isn't that what we are all, on some level, afraid of? Rejection, abandonment, and loss of love and esteem.

So here's the part where I show you how to start chipping away at this belief so you can shift it for good. First, you have to identify how that belief shows up for you. What is it that you are telling yourself? For me, it's, I need to get this right. And if I don't get this right, then I'm a failure. That's how it shows up for me. How does it show up for you?

First, you've got to get really clear and have full awareness of what that belief is. And beliefs usually show up as one of two kinds of statements.

Courtney Elmer - 18:51

It's either an if-then, like what I just shared with you. If I don't get this right, then I'm a failure. Or it's just a straight-up I am statement. So what is the belief? That's step one.

Step two is to ask yourself, once you have identified that belief, that thought, that lie, That you're telling yourself. What are you making it mean about you? For me, if I don't get it right, then I'm a failure, and that means I'm unlovable. So what are you making it mean about you? That's step two.

Now step three, once you have those two pieces of information, is to simply ask yourself, is that true? Courtney, is that true that if you don't get this right, then you're a failure, and you're unlovable? Is that actually true? If this launch doesn't perform like you want it to, does that ultimately mean you're not lovable?

Courtney Elmer - 20:02

If you don't grow your Instagram account as fast as you want and followers are unfollowing you faster than they're following you, does that mean you're unlovable? Is it actually true that if you don't get the copy just right on this website update that you'll fail and your online business will fail and ultimately that'll mean you're unlovable?

You have to challenge the belief because your mind is taking the path of least resistance right now. You've believed this belief for a long time, and it's easier to believe the belief than to challenge the belief. It's easier to believe the belief than to become aware of the belief, much less challenge it. This is why awareness is so important. Why do you hear so many of the experts that they talk about? Awareness.

Awareness is the first step. Because it is the first step. When you're going through a period in your life where you are struggling, you have to question everything. Is the belief true? Is the way you've always done it the way you should be doing it? Question it.

Courtney Elmer- 21:06

Because chances are when you question that belief, Your answer is going to be, well, no, that's not true. And maybe emotionally, it feels true. Oh, and that's a sneaky part about beliefs, my friend, is that they feel very true. But when you look at it objectively, you get that belief out of your head and outside of you, and you write it down on paper, and you look at it, and you examine it, and you try to poke holes in it, you say, is that actually true?

You're going to have an inner knowing and a deep sense that, no, it's not true. And if your answer is no, then the next question you have to ask yourself, and this is my favorite part of all of this, is, okay, then what is true that your higher self already knows to be true about you? And if you're a faith-based entrepreneur like I am, you can take it a step further.

Courtney Elmer- 21:59

What does God know to be true about you? That you haven't yet accepted as true about yourself? Write it down. What is true that your higher self knows to be true about you? And what does God know to be true about you? And then the final step is to start replacing the old belief with the new one. There are many ways to do this.

You can write a letter to yourself. You can put it on a sticky note on your laptop. You can make this new belief into your phone background so you see it every day. And anytime that you notice the draw of perfection, the tug to get it right, the need, the urge to get it right, then it's your responsibility to remind yourself of this truth.

And to stop postponing your life or your dreams or your business goals, waiting for things to be perfect. Because they never will. So, there's only one thing left to do. Keep swinging. The bad.

Courtney Elmer - 23:24

Alright, my friend, that is all I have for you today. Thank you so much for joining me for another episode of AntiFragile Entrepreneurship™. And if you want to connect with me personally, come hang out with me on Instagram; you can find me there @thecourtneyelmer.

Now look, if you like this show, I need to ask you a favor. Think of someone you know in your circle right now in the business community who might be struggling. Someone that you know who's expressed to you how hard it feels to run an online business in this day and age. Maybe, someone who's expressed to you that they struggle with perfection, they know it full well. I want you to share this episode with them. It takes literally two seconds of your time. It is a fantastic way to add value and nurture relationships with your colleagues and your community. Because we're all in this together. We are all entrepreneurs.

Courtney Elmer - 24:16

Yes, we might feel like we're operating in a silo because I'm over here growing my business, and you're over there growing your online business, and so and so over there is growing their business.

But at the end of the day, we are all part of one greater network of people who are here to help people. So why not help people? And if you're a mission-driven, heart-centered entrepreneur, then chances are you are here to help people. So help someone today by sharing this episode with them.

And if you love this show, then it would really mean the world to me if you would write a review. Look, scroll down in your Apple app, tap the five stars, and write one sentence. That's all it takes. Because what that does is it let other people know that this show is worth their time to listen to.

Now next week, we're talking about how to know when it's time to pivot in your business. If you, like most entrepreneurs, this year has gotten off to a very rocky start. Sales are down across the board. Teams are in transition. People are worried about the future of the economy.

Courtney Elmer - 25:22

People are dealing with unexpected personal issues that are causing major setbacks in their businesses. And in moments like these, it's natural to question, should I ride this out, or is it time to walk away? Do I burn the ship? Do I start over? Or do I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and see how long I can last?

Every single entrepreneur has asked themselves questions like these at some point or another, especially during the low points in their online business journey. And next week, we're going to explore how to know when it's time to pivot and, most importantly, how to weigh the short-term benefits versus the long-term consequences.

So join me back here next week, and until then, let's go out there and grow through what we go through together.