How Embracing Problems Can Unlock Your Full Potential

00:00:00 - Courtney Elmer
Did you know that the problems in your online business hold the keys to unlock your full potential? See, most people don't see the problems in their online business as opportunities. But today, I'm going to walk you through a very simple exercise to help you explore the wordless voices that are holding power right now, keeping you stuck inside your problems and keeping you from showing up powerfully in your online business. That's all coming up next, so stay tuned. Globally ranked among the top shows in online business and education.

00:00:39
We're known for helping overworked online business owners navigate the ups and downs on the way to seven figures. Each week, you're going to learn how to get the right systems, structure, and support in place so you can build a self-sustaining business that thrives in a rapidly changing digital environment and grow through what you go through to create greater income, influence, and impact you deserve.

This is AntiFragile Entrepreneurship.

Welcome back to another episode of AntiFragile Entrepreneurship™. Now, this was not an episode that I originally planned to air, but I was sitting in my therapy session last week, and it hit me, and I knew that I could not not share this with you.

00:01:22 - Courtney Elmer
So my therapist, bless her heart, has been dealing with my problems since I was about 19 years old. And she has helped me through so many of the obstacles and hurdles in my life. And as a coach, I am a huge believer in having trained experts there to support you in various aspects of your life, to grow a business, and your relationships. And as I was sitting there having this conversation with her the other day, she asked me such a simple but profound question, a question that I am trained to ask my clients and often ask them, but one that I had totally failed in this particular circumstance to even think of asking myself.

And so what was happening for me was that I kept finding myself in a situation in my online business where I felt like I was drowning in todos.

00:02:28
Sound familiar? I know that might sound surprising coming from someone who, on the outside, looks like she has it all together, which, honestly, is just an extremely unhelpful coping mechanism that I learned from an early age and one that I am fully aware of now and want to be more transparent about with you. Because I get to these points in my life where I realize that I'm over-committed, or I'm overbooked, or I've taken on too many projects, I've said yes to too many things because I want to do it all. But then I reach a point where I'm feeling panicked, like, my goodness; I don't know if I can do it all. But then it reaches a point where I start to feel panic and start to doubt my ability to do it all.

00:03:13
And in those moments, it feels like my hands are tied, and I can't do anything about it because I've made these commitments and take full ownership of them to see them through. And this is a repeating pattern in my life. I have been aware of this pattern for a long time. And knowing what I know about psychology, and especially how I'm trained as a coach to know how our brains work, I knew that there was a deeper belief under the surface there. But I was so stuck in the cycle, moving so fast in my life from one thing to the next to the next, just trying to keep my head above water, that I never took the time to dig deeper to figure out what it was.

00:03:57
Does that sound familiar? Can you think of a problem in your life that you know is a problem? It's a situation that you continue to find yourself in, and then the situation resolves itself. But then maybe a year down the road, you find yourself there again, and you think about it, and you go, gosh, how do I keep winding up here? Why does this keep happening to me?

00:04:21
But because you're so swept up in the day-to-day of your life, you never really take the time to go deeper. And that was me. And so, about three or four months ago, I became aware of a very deep-rooted belief that I'm a burden. Now, this belief surprised me because this is not something that I walk around saying to myself, oh, I'm such a burden. Oh, I'm such a burden.

00:04:54
But I became aware of this belief, and you've heard me talk about here on the show before how discovering your beliefs within you is kind of like peeling an onion. There are always more things underneath the surface, right? So you might peel back one layer, and then you feel great, and it kind of unlocks your potential in life, and you're able to move forward. And then you reach a point in the future where it's time to peel back another layer. You're feeling stuck.

00:05:26 - Courtney Elmer
You're feeling resistance, right? And so you begin to uncover what these beliefs are. And so this is the process of personal growth and beginning to unlock your potential. We peel back the layers, and this is a process that, although this frustrates my clients when I tell them this, this process will never end; you will always be peeling back layers. I have been peeling back the layers for over 15 years, and only three months ago or so did I realize this deep belief.

00:05:56
And I couldn't have gotten here had I not peeled back the layers from those past 15 years. So now, when I realize a belief in my life, which usually shows up as a sticking point externally in my online business, I kind of get excited and dread it at the same time. I'm excited because knowing what I know, when I do clear that belief and I'm able to reframe it and move beyond it. It's going to open up all kinds of doors that were not open for me before because I was holding on to this belief and subsequently keeping those doors closed.

But at the same time, I dread it because this takes work and because, oh, your unconscious mind is going to resist whenever you try to go in and dismantle those deep-rooted beliefs.

00:06:47 - Courtney Elmer
So I'm telling my therapist about this recurring problem in my life, right? Reaching these points where I feel overwhelmed and overloaded on my calendar and subsequently share with her this belief that I've become aware of, that if I am to share the load with anyone if I'm to ask for help, whether that be personally or in my online business. If I'm to offload some of these tasks, if I'm to delegate some of these tasks, if I'm just to sit there and vent to someone about how I'm feeling and the frustrations that I'm feeling.

That all of that makes me feel like I'm burdening someone with my problems, problems that are mine in the first place, that I'm responsible for solving and shouldn't be offloading to anyone else. That's the belief.

00:07:38
And I'm sharing this with her, and she's sitting there, and she's smiling, and she's nodding, and she asks me a very simple question, and she said, "Courtney, how does this problem benefit you?" Oh, my goodness. Immediately? Immediately, I tell you. The answer was obvious, as it usually is when we get quiet and ask ourselves the questions we need to ask.

00:08:06
And without blinking an eye, I responded back to her, saying it helped me get the help I needed. Now, let me be totally clear with you. I had no understanding of this benefit prior to this conversation with her. This is a problem that has been repeating itself to grow an online business for years. And honestly, probably before that, because I remember distinctly being in college and feeling this way, getting my first job or two or three, and feeling this way.

00:08:35 - Courtney Elmer
I would just reach these points of overwhelm and burnout where I felt like burning all the bridges and just going on a tropical vacation for, like, a month and being totally off the grid. Right? Have you ever reached those points where you're like, gosh, if just no one would talk to me for a month, that'd be amazing? I'm being a little dramatic here, but I have reached this point in my online business. I wasn't asking the question that I needed to be asking.

00:08:59
And when she asked me that question, it became so obvious because, within every problem, there is a benefit. The benefit is usually unconscious, meaning that even though you consciously realize there is a problem happening and you don't like the problem, you resist the problem. You want to get rid of the problem unconsciously. The problem benefits you, so you keep repeating it. You keep sabotaging yourself in very subtle ways that you don't even realize you're sabotaging yourself in order to recreate this problem at various points in your life because you get some sort of benefit out of it and can unlock your potential.

00:09:49
And for me, because I have struggled in the past to ask for help, even to recognize when and where I need help in my online business, much less ask for it, this was my unconscious mind's way of getting the help that I needed. And as I'm sitting there processing all of this, she says, yeah, this has been a wordless voice for you, hasn't it? A wordless voice? Oh, my goodness. Then I got excited because that's when I knew I had to share this with you to unlock your potential.

00:10:33
And second of all, how many wordless voices do we allow to control us? How many wordless voices do we give our power to and allow them to dictate our life, our online business?

00:10:56
And so the first step is recognizing the power that these wordless voices have over us. They control you without you even realizing it. And some people never realize it. So today, I'm going to take you through a process that I have since developed for discovering the wordless voices in your own life and releasing their hold on you. Because how awesome would it be if you could know when you have a recurring problem popping up and maybe you're experiencing one of those things right now where you're like, yeah, I've been here before, I'm here again.

00:11:35 - Courtney Elmer
I'm tired of being here. How do I fix this? What if you could release that? What if you never had to deal with that problem ever again? Chances are there's a wordless voice there somewhere wrapped up inside of that problem.

00:11:50
And so the key to getting rid of that problem is not necessarily to do anything differently. Oh, my goodness. And how many people do I see making mistakes of going out there and buying another course or buying another program or buying another book, or trying to do something differently? Let me overhaul my website. Let me hire a new copywriter to change up all of my sales emails, right?

00:12:11
And we tend to throw action at these problems. Let me do more to solve this problem. But what if it's not about doing more to solve the problem? What if it's about to stop doing the thing that's causing the problem in the first place?

00:12:32 - Courntey Elmer
Yeah. Okay. So you should be excited about this because I'm about to share with you how to do this. But before I do, it's really important for you to understand that every problem you experience in your life has a hidden benefit to it. And traditionally, these hidden benefits actually keep you stuck.

00:12:50
And in a moment when I walk you through this process, you're going to see what I mean by that. But what I'm also going to offer you here is that once you recognize the hidden benefit, that's when it stops limiting you and becomes a hidden blessing. A silver lining. Every single problem that you're experiencing right now has a silver lining to it. It's up to you, though, to find it, and without awareness, you will continue experiencing your problems as problems in online business.

00:13:24
They will feel heavy, and they will feel frustrated, they will feel overwhelmed, you will feel stuck, you will feel stalled. But when you can attune your awareness and learn to look for this hidden benefit, then you'll also find the hidden blessing. And when you find it, it is like pressing a hidden release button. Immediately the tension that that problem was creating falls away, and you can see clearly how to move forward past it in a healthier, freer, and more effective way. So what are the wordless voices in your life?

00:14:04 - Courtney Elmer
Here's how to find them. First, what I want you to think about is to notice a recurring issue. What problem keeps happening over and over again? Get as specific as you can. For me, the recurring problem was feeling burnt out, and like I was drowning in work.

00:14:23
Looking at my to-do list and everything that I had committed myself to, and feeling an overwhelming sense of dread. And there were times when it didn't feel so intense. Those times were more manageable. But there were many times when I found myself in that really rock bottom place. So I want you to look for a similar problem in your life.

00:14:47 - Courtney Elmer
What's a recurring issue? An argument you keep having with a particular person in your life. A problem you keep experiencing over and over again in your online business. So once you identify that, maybe you thought of more than one. But for this exercise, just pick one.

00:15:05
Now ask yourself how long this problem has been happening. When did it start? Now sometimes, the answer might be immediately clear. Other times it might be a little fuzzy. For me, I didn't know exactly how long this problem's been going on, but I can tell you it has been going on for a long time.

00:15:26
Definitely thinking back to my college days. Gosh, I will be 35 this year. Don't tell anyone. College was a long time ago, right? My point is this problem has been recurring in my life for at least 15 plus years.

00:15:43 - Courtney Elmer
Now if you can't remember exactly when it started or if it's a little bit fuzzy, like gosh, forever, I can't even remember it's been happening for so long. That's okay. But now what I'm going to ask you is the magic question. How does this problem benefit you?

00:16:03
Think about it, and if you need to come back to this episode, come back to it. But this is the question that will help you identify the wordless voice. For me, creating a situation unconsciously but creating it nonetheless where I'm overloaded and drowning in work helps me get the help I need because it justifies for me why I need the help. Surely if someone sees that I am drowning in work, they'll help me, right? I'll be deserving and worthy of that help.

00:16:41
Which sounds really silly to say out loud now that I realize it, but I recognize that this was my unconscious mind's way of trying to protect me, of trying to help me. But the wordless voice was, I need help too. I didn't know how to ask for it. So this was the situation I would create to get the help I needed. Kind of crazy, it sounds pretty loony, but this is how our unconscious minds work.

00:17:13 - Courtney Elmer
So once you identify the wordless voice, ask yourself, is that the best way to go about solving this problem and unlock your potential? Or is it possible there are other ways? How else might you solve this problem, and how else might you solve it? And how else? For example, when I ask myself that question, I could say, well, an obvious thing would be to say no so that I don't get overloaded in the first place.

00:17:52
Something else might be to recognize that it's safe to ask for help and that it's okay to need help. Something else might be to recognize that I'm worthy of help even when I'm not drowning and to recognize that it's okay to have needs. We all have needs, and my needs matter.

00:18:19
And then, finally, the last piece in this process is really important because for however long it's been that this problem has been repeating in your life, this has been your unconscious mind's way of getting your needs met. It might not be the most logical way to do it when we sit here and actually become aware of it and break it out, but this has been the way that your unconscious mind has been trying to unlock your potential. And so what's happened is we've given our power away to this wordless voice. We've allowed it, mostly unknowingly until now, to dictate our life. And now it's going to want to fight you back.

00:19:02 - Courtney Elmer
You're going to want to take that power back, and it's going to say, no, this is the best way. We have agreed that this is the best way. This is the way we've been doing it for five years, ten years, 15 years, 20 years. Now what, what, do you want to change now? And this is going to be the battle between your conscious and your unconscious mind to unlock your potential.

00:19:21
And there you're going to have to duke it out. And usually, the unconscious mind will win because, under stress and pressure, we have a tendency to revert back to our old patterns and habits, and beliefs. But this last piece I'm about to give you will be so critical to helping ensure that that doesn't happen.

00:19:45 - Courtney Elmer
So the last question you have to answer is, what do you want to say to this wordless voice?

00:19:57
For me, it's thank you. Thank you for trying to help me all these years.

00:20:11
And we're safe, and I've got you, and I'm in the driver's seat now, and there's no need to worry because I will give you a voice.

00:20:27 - Courtney Elmer
So, my friend, is the wordless voice process to help you identify what are the wordless voices in your life that are creating problems? And how can you, by identifying the wordless voices turn that hidden benefit into a hidden blessing to press that release button and release the tension that the problem was creating in your life and move forward in a more effective way?

So, I hope that this episode was helpful for you to unlock your potential, and thank you for choosing to spend your time with me here on AntiFragile Entrepreneurship™. There are a lot of podcasts out there that you could be listening to, and I consider it a true honor that you share some of your very precious and very valuable time with me each week. And if you like this show and this episode was impactful for you to unlock your potential, it would mean a ton to me if you share it with a friend.

00:21:31 - Courtney Elmer
Just hit the Share button on whatever podcast app you're listening to right now. Text it to a friend of yours who might need to hear this too. And if you love this show, particularly if you've listened to more than one episode and you're getting value from it, and you're coming back week after week to join me here to learn these secrets to building and running an AntiFragile Online Business, it would mean a ton to me if you would leave a short review. Even just one sentence helps because it lets others know that this is a show worth listening to. And if you want to connect with me personally, come find me on Instagram.

00:22:05
That's my number one platform, Instagram and LinkedIn. So if you're a LinkedIn person, type in my name. I'll pop up there. Let's connect. But Instagram, for sure, because there I'm sharing the behind-the-scenes ins and outs of my life every single day, or just about every day.

00:22:18 - Courtney Elmer
Sometimes I take off on the weekends. I'm at @thecourtneyelmer on Instagram. You can come follow me there and connect with me there. And next week, I've got a very special guest joining me who's going to get real with you about the course creation industry and share with you what she's noticing right now about the future of online courses. Are they really viable, or is the industry changing?

00:22:46
Maybe so, maybe not. But you'll have to join me back here next week to find out. And until then, let's go out and grow through what we go through together.