New Look, Same Great Show (formerly Systems Made Simple)
Feb. 7, 2023

How to Overcome Setbacks in Business

How to Overcome Setbacks in Business

Being a digital business owner can feel like you’re constantly having to overcome setbacks. But truthfully, this is just life, and if you want to thrive as an online entrepreneur and avoid burnout, you have to learn how to get through it. And that’s exactly what we’re diving into today!


Be honest... how are you really doing?

As an online entrepreneur, this road is hard sometimes, but finding a way to overcome setbacks is essential — not just for the sake of your digital business, but for YOU as a human.

That’s why today, we’re exploring my proven solution to dealing with unexpected challenges and the unique opportunity that waits for you inside every adversity.

BY THE TIME YOU FINISH LISTENING, YOU’LL LEARN: 

  • About the challenges I’ve been facing recently in my life and digital business
  • A method I’ve developed to overcome setbacks called the resiliency principle
  • Why it’s imperative that you, as an online entrepreneur, learn this now

For my visual friends, click here to check out the anti-fragility image I mention in this episode.

If this episode inspires you, leave a review and share your biggest takeaway with me. And while you've got your phone out, make sure to follow me on Instagram @thecourtneyelmer for more quick tips on how to streamline your business systems and spend more time in your zone of genius.

Some product links on this site are affiliate links, which means we'll earn a small commission for any affiliate purchases you make (at no additional cost to you). We only recommend products that we use and/or personally trust, so you can browse with confidence.

All Rights Reserved | © The EffortLESS Life®

Transcript

Courtney Elmer  0:00  

Welcome back, you're listening to the System's Made Simple™ Podcast. This is episode 160. I'm your host, Courtney Elmer. And today I have a question for you. How are you really doing? How are you really doing? Does it feel like you, the online entrepreneur, can't catch your breath lately? Or maybe do you feel like you're working really hard, but getting nowhere? Today, we're going to explore the only proven solution that I have found, when faced with what I call life's unexpected challenges. Because believe it or not, within every moment of adversity you face, there's a unique opportunity waiting there for you. But if you don't know how to recognize the opportunity, then facing whatever you're facing is going to feel really hard. It's going to feel really uncomfortable, it's going to feel impossible to get through. But I can promise you this. When you stick with me till the end of this episode, I'm going to teach you about a method I've developed called the resiliency principle. And why this is so imperative for you, especially as an online entrepreneur, to learn how to master so that no matter what setback you're faced with, you can move through it with ease, take the lessons from it, that you need, and become stronger, as a person, as an online entrepreneur, as a spouse, as a parent, as an individual, as a friend, as a colleague, as a mentor. Because of it. That's all coming up next. So stay tuned. 

 

Courtney Elmer

Globally ranked among the top shows in business and education, we're known for one thing, helping overworked online entrepreneurs like you learn how to run your business like a true visionary leader, because when you get the right systems support, and structure in place, you can spend more time in your zone of genius. So if you're tired of listening to today's business influencers teach this same old worn out marketing strategies that aren't making you any money, it's time to take a look under the hood of your business and fix the engine itself. Because the truth is, you don't have to work as hard as you are right now to scale beyond six figures, and create the greater influence income and impact that you deserve. The secret to scaling starts on the back end of your business. This is the System's Made Simple™ Podcast.

 

Courtney Elmer

Last week, I just got back home from pod Fest in Orlando, Florida, which is a industry wide podcasting conference, there were over 1500 podcasters there. And I was invited there to speak about how online entrepreneurs borrow other people's audiences to grow your own, which is a topic that I really love. Now, of course, in true Courtney Elmer, fashion, I took what was supposed to be a 25 minute talk with five minutes of q&a. And I turned it into like a 35 minute talk with 15 minutes of q&a outside in the hall. And if you know me, you know that I am passionate about two things. I'm passionate about systems. I'm passionate about podcasting. But it goes so much deeper than that, in case you're just listening for the first time you're tuning in today, you've never heard me talk on the show before, then you will learn very quickly should you continue to listen that these things stem from two things that I love even more, which is helping you recognize that your voice matters, and creating genuine connections connection is one of my top core values. So of course, I went to this conference with two objectives in mind, number one, to use my voice to help others claim theirs. And number two, to make as many genuine connections as I could. And what was so fascinating to me was that even though I met people from all over the world, all walks of life, all different levels in their podcasting journey or their business journey, throughout all of my conversations at that event, and even in my life lately as a whole in my recent conversations with friends, with colleagues, with clients, sometimes even with complete strangers. I have noticed a common theme. 

 

Courtney Elmer

Right now, as I speak, there is this undercurrent happening where online entrepreneurs feel like they are drowning in the challenges that life has thrown their way lately. And I'm not just talking about the small everyday annoyances that we all deal with, but the big stuff, major illnesses that came out of nowhere, repressed trauma surfacing for the first time in years, grief, loss, and things of that sort. And so today's episode is going to be a little bit different. Because today, we're not talking about a system to help you work yourself out of your business. To help you market more effectively to help you sell more of your courses or products or programs or services to help you fulfill on what you've promised to your clients to help you with the day to day operations, all the things that we typically tend to talk about on this show. Today, I felt the pull on my heart to go a lot deeper with you. Because I want to be really transparent with you here. The past six months for me, have been an incredibly difficult time, personally, and they have affected my business in a big way. Even though last year was the best year in revenue that we have had to date. The challenges that I went through to get to that point where things I could have never imagined that I would have experienced the kind of stuff that you go, I couldn't make this up if I try. 

 

Courtney Elmer

And if you follow me on social media, you might have noticed, I haven't posted anything there in a couple of months. And the truth is, I didn't want to I really have been feeling so uninspired lately, for reasons which I'll share with you in just a moment. And one of the things that I am learning so acutely, in this season of my life and in my business is learning how to be okay. With not always being okay to be okay with being in a creative slump, to be okay with not feeling like the energetic, outgoing, vivacious person that I normally am with simply allowing myself to be and not trying to force anything different. Because at the end of last year, I found myself in a place of deep burnout. And it kind of surprised me, number one, because it became very obvious to me that I have not been walking my talk, I have not been living the effortless life. And I was shocked by it because I had drifted so far from the principles that I valued so deeply. And I was asking myself, How did I get here? And more specifically, how did I allow myself to get back here? Because burnout used to be a thing of my past. It used to be something that I thought I had put to bed, right, I went out and built a company around helping people not burn out, especially when it comes to running a business. Because if you're an online entrepreneur, if you are running a business, chances are right now you know all too well, what that feels like when you're in that place. And so I was dealing with all of this stuff personally, while still trying to present this front right of having everything together in my business, feeling like I was failing miserably as an online entrepreneur at that effort. 

 

Courtney Elmer

And so I didn't really share much about any of this publicly, right, because as leaders, we always feel like or at least I do, right? This is me speaking personally here. But feeling like I gotta put my best foot forward, I got to make sure that everyone knows that I have my act together. After all, here I am talking about how to build a self sustaining business. And last year, I found myself in this place where it felt anything but and so I wasn't planning on sharing any of this, quite honestly, because I was embarrassed to I didn't want to bring this up, right. And then about a month ago, I was in conversation with one of my clients. And she all but dared me to share it. She was like, Courtney Elmer, you need to do a podcast episode on that you need to share this. Oh, my goodness, what you have shared with me in the past five minutes just gave me so much hope and so much validation, that I'm not the only one out there going through this. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized, oh my gosh, I can't not share this with you. And there is this tendency, as leaders as influencers, online entrepreneurs,  whether you're there or whether you are on your journey there is that we don't want to show the

 

Courtney Elmer  9:36  

messy stuff. Now that could just be me, it could just be my Enneagram one perfectionist tendency to want to make it look like always have everything together. I'm gonna be straight with you. I do not always have everything together. In fact, 95% of the time I don't I'm just really good at making the 5% look so super good that nobody bothers to question the other 95% And this is a strategy that I learned at a young age to survive in the world. And now that I'm an adult, I fully recognize this as not so much a strategy as it is a coping mechanism, and a pretty terrible one at that one that I am actively working on. So why am I sharing all of this with you? Well, number one, my company exists for you, my fellow online entrepreneur, my team and I are always so focused on you and how we can best serve you. And after this conversation with my client, I realized I would be doing you a great disservice if I didn't share this with you. So even though this is a bit vulnerable, for me today, to share with you the personal side and the stuff that I've been dealing with, and to show you the lessons that I have learned because of it, in hopes to help you avoid some of the pain, and some of the mistakes and some of the frustrations that I have experienced, to help you learn how to deal with the setbacks in your business that are inevitable that are going to come. But also to help you hopefully recognize that if you are dealing with something right now that feels big, that feels heavy, and maybe it's not just one thing, maybe it's a multitude of things to show you that you're not alone. 

 

Courtney Elmer

And I'm choosing to share this, because my deepest hope is that it helps you feel validated and understood in your struggle, and in whatever it is that you might be going through. So I would say this challenging season that I have been in that I am still in started early last summer, I found myself overbooked through a chain of events as it usually happens, right? I didn't have the summer help that I planned on and moms listening who run businesses, you know how tough that summertime juggle can be when you have small kids. And I had really, really made an effort to figure out my workload for the summer so that it would be lighter, so that I could be home with my sons and I could be more present. But instead of working a lighter workload like I intended, I wound up working twice as hard. Shortly after that, we had a team member who got COVID. Two weeks later, both of my boys got COVID. So here I am solo parenting, taking on more responsibility because my team was unavailable, running my business, juggling the household all while caring for my sick boys. So my workload increased even more. So I'm looking toward August, right light at the end of the tunnel into the summer, I can get back at routine, I can take a breath. How often do we do that? Right when we're in a hard season and we're looking for that light? Well, that was me. But as soon as school started up again, we moved into full on launch mode, because we had just revamped our podcasting program. We were really excited to unveil these updates. And we were preparing we've been preparing for a long time for this launch. So we were in full swing launch.

 

Courtney Elmer

 And a couple of weeks before the launch. My assistant had a family medical emergency, and was suddenly unavailable to work indefinitely. Then, a couple of weeks before the launch, the flu went through our household. Unfortunately, I stayed well. But bounce straight back to the mom, wife, CEO, Nurse juggler. So we had the launch it went well. My team was all back in action. And the following Monday was the day that we were supposed to meet and hit the reset button. We were like oh my goodness, this past summer, these past few months have just been absolutely crazy like but the launch is behind us. We can hit the reset button we can finish the year strong. And I'm going to warn you that what I'm going to say next is a little gruesome. So if you have young ears listening, you may want to come back to this later. Instead of hitting the ground running that Monday morning, I got a text in our family group thread saying that two bodies had been found burned beyond recognition. A few blocks down from my dad's office building in the very small town that I grew up in where there's barely ever any talk of crime, because it doesn't happen. Now if that wasn't disturbing enough, I got another text a few minutes later, saying that two of our very dear longtime family friends had gone missing the night before. And it was suspected that it was them So after what was a completely agonizing week, sickening week? With no answers, we finally got word that the identity had been confirmed. And sure enough, it was our friends. One of whom I had just seen three weeks before, and have visited with her for the longest time. 

 

Courtney Elmer

Now, that same Monday, my team member who had the Family Medical Emergency just a month or two prior, had another family member who went into the hospital unexpectedly and had to have major surgery, of which that family member is still recovering from here almost three months later, at the time of this recording. The flu went through our house, again, we did not get to celebrate Thanksgiving with any of our family. About a week later, I woke up with a recurring migraine that lasted I'm not kidding you for about six weeks, every day. And throughout all of this, the holidays are going on all the end of the year stuff. You know how stressful that can be, especially as a business owner. And then shortly after Christmas, I got word that my aunt, who I'm very close to, wasn't doing well. So we took a quick last minute unplanned trip to see her. Two weeks later, I traveled back to say goodbye. Shortly after that, I flew to Orlando, I spoke at pod fest. I was waiting on my flight in the airport on the way back and got a call that my aunt had passed away. So I'm walking through the airport with tears streaming down my face, thinking about this episode, this episode, because I had started it on the plane to the conference. And in that moment, I realized I wasn't finished. It will never be finished. So this past Monday, we buried my aunt. And I'm just giving you the highlight reel here. There were innumerable small challenges and daily frustrations throughout this time to like the fact that I have a preschooler who loves to wake up before sunrise every day. I love my son, don't get me wrong, but my goodness, I did not expect to have to become a morning person when I became a mom. So what's the point in telling you all of this, this is not to get you down? This is not to make you feel heavy. 

 

Courtney Elmer

This is not to make you go oh my gosh, Courtney Elmer, I'm so sorry. I don't even know what to say to you right now. Like, this is not for me to somehow claim some badge of honor or win your pity. That couldn't be further from the truth. The point of this episode is not to complain about how terrible or how hard life has been lately or to play the victim by any stretch of the imagination. However, I imagine that as I shared some of these things with you, even if you didn't experience these things exactly. Chances are you're nodding your head because you've experienced some major courageously outta left field unbelievable. can't quite wrap your mind around it kind of challenges lately, too. I know you know the feeling when life comes out you so fast that you have no choice but to deal with it. And this is why I'm choosing to lift the curtain, so to speak. Because so often, we scroll through our Instagram, we scroll through our tic tock we scroll through our Facebook, our LinkedIn, we listen to podcasts, whatever. And we see these people that we admire these people, we look up to call them whatever you want thought leaders influencers, just colleagues who you really respect.

 

Courtney Elmer  19:37  

But you don't know what's going on behind the screen. And so we assume that bad things don't happen to those online entrepreneurs. They have hundreds of 1000s of followers. They have tons of likes and engagement on their posts. Their businesses are growing. Surely Life couldn't be better. While over here you are suffering you are strong. Googling, I guarantee you that for every highlight that those people share, there is a struggle that they faced, there is an obstacle that they're working through. There is a challenge that life has presented to them that just not talking about it. And I believe now more than ever, especially in business, we need to start talking about it. We need to allow ourselves to be seen, and in so doing, give others permission to do the same. And the reason I'm sharing all of this with you, is to emphasize the very point of this episode, that life is full of suffering. The Human Condition is that of suffering. And I'm not telling you anything that you don't already know. That much is obvious. But here's what I do know and what I have always believed. And here's what I believe these challenges were further reinforcing for me, these past eight or more months, that there is and always only ever will be one way out of any obstacle or any challenge that you face in your life. Through the way out, is always through. 

 

Courtney Elmer

 

We must go through the challenges and the obstacles and the hurdles not only to learn the lessons that are meant for us, but in the very act and process of going through these challenges to become the person we were meant to be. I was watching Lion King yesterday with my almost five year old. And this is one of my favorite all time movies growing up. And there was a part in the movie where Simba is really coming into his own right. He's having this come to Jesus moment. He's recognizing the past and his perspective on the past wasn't actually true. And rific. He's there and we're picky, bonk some on the head with his little stick. And symbols like what do you do that for? And rific he's like, doesn't matter. It's in the past. And symbols like Yeah, but it still hurts. And rific he's like, yeah, the past can hurt. And you can either run from it, or you can learn from it. But how relevant is that? And how often do we forget it? How much time do we waste trying to run from our problems trying to escape the bad things that are happening to us trying to avoid them, to numb them to not feel them. Now, on the other hand, there are many people who do look for the lessons, you're probably one of those people. I'm someone who looks for the lessons. But even then there are times where we forget to look for the lessons. 

 

Courtney Elmer

Because the pain that we are experiencing is so great. Where the problems just keep piling up. And all we can do is just keep swimming, just to survive, right. And when we're in that survival mode, it's not possible to learn the lesson, or at least it is very, very, very, very difficult to learn any kind of lesson until the intensity of the pain has passed. And then in retrospect, we can look back and see oh, that's what that was teaching me. And this life philosophy that I have developed, really started for me when I was around 1920 years old. And many of you have you listened to the show for a while you know my story. I overcame a severe eating disorder. In my late teens and early 20s. I was diagnosed with anorexia, OCD, depression. It was recommended that I go into an inpatient treatment facility because the doctors the experts, the professionals did not think that I would be able to recover from this on my own. And I can remember this like yesterday I remember sitting there And I remember hearing that. And I remember thinking to myself, you're not going to tell me what I can and can't do. I can get through this. And I will get through this. Watch me. It took almost three years, three to four therapist appointments every week for almost three years. But I Healed my body, my mind and my soul from that illness, with the help of others, and with the dogged determination that I could do it. And I did. Fast forward, five, six years after that, when I was diagnosed with cancer in my mid 20s. And it was another opportunity for me to rise to the occasion. And without even realizing it, until recently, as I'm doing all of this reflecting, having processed all of the events of the past many months, and having assimilated them here to be able to share with you today. 

 

Courtney Elmer

One of the things that I often say to my son is, buddy, you can and you will. And he'll tell me something, Mom, I can't do that. He's writing his handwriting, or he's trying to learn to tie his shoes, or he's trying to hang up his clothes in his closet or pick up his toys, whatever it is, I can't I can't body. You can and you will just say to yourself, I can. And I will. Now I wish I could tell you that he would repeat after me. And then all is well in the world, though. Usually he says Mom, no, I can't. And I won't. And I laugh to myself. Because this is how we typically approach our problems, right? Even as adults, the things come to us and we go, No, I can't, and I won't. And this was very much the frame of mine that I was living in these past many months when I hit that point of burnout. And I recognized it was because I kept saying I can't and I won't, I can't, and I won't. And I found myself in survival mode. And the reason, deep down, that we struggle that we resist the challenges that come our way. The reason that we figuratively run away, is because we're under the illusion that we've lost control. Of all the challenges that I have just shared with you in this episode today, whether it be in recent months, or in the past history of my life. 

 

Courtney Elmer

Not a single one of them was something that I could control. And chances are you don't need me to tell you that when you choose to run away, or to hide or to ignore or to avoid or to blame. You can't claim the reward that's waiting for you on the other side. And makes me think of that song going on a lion hunt. Chances are if you have young kids, you know exactly the song I'm talking about. If I sing it, it will get stuck in your head so I will spare you. But the entire song is about going on a lion hunt the lion is the prize right? We're hunting for this lion. And we come across all of these crazy obstacles. There's this tall grass can't go around it can't go over it can't go under it. Got to go through it. We come across a river can't go around it can't go over it. Can't go under it. Got to go through it. Come across a mud. Now if you're a kid I would imagine in the song didn't really explain this right? I would imagine you would just kind of go splashing through the mud right now. Of course the song true to fashion goes can't go around it can't go over it can't go under it. We got to go through it.

 

Courtney Elmer  29:27  

And that scene in particular in the song is the way in which we should approach our problems. Why? Because when I imagine that scene in that song, stick with me here I promise. I'm going to make a point here in just a moment. When I imagine that scene in that song, I imagine these kids, they don't just like trudge through the mud. Thank God joyfully stomp and splash their feet through it when you do it. If you were a kid, of course you would. They don't look at it as this terrible obstacle. All, they simply look at it objectively. And they're like, Okay, here's a big patch of mud, we can't go around it, we can't go over it, we can't go under it, we got to go through it. Might as well have fun while we do it. After all, we're chasing a lion anyway, we want the lion, we're chasing that prize, we're chasing that reward. Now, at the end of the song, spoiler alert, if you have never heard this song before in your life, at the end of the song, they come to a cave, and supposedly in the cave is the lion. And what do they do? They scream, and they run away. And that is where this song lets me down every time. Because they have done all of the hard work to get there to claim the prize. They've gone through all the obstacles. And then they reject the price. As if it's too much for them. They just run away. This last obstacle actually facing the lion. They cower in fear. At the end of your song, your life the challenge you're facing today, what will you do? I really hope you claim your prize, I really hope you begin to recognize and come to know and trust and believe without a doubt that there is a reward waiting for you on the other side of every obstacle you face. But the only way to get it is to go through the obstacle to rise to the challenge.

 

Courtney Elmer  31:52  

It wasn't anyone's fault that any of these things, however awful, or horrible. They were transpired in my life over the past many months. But what I will tell you is that the reason that I allowed myself to reach a point of burnout, after further reflection upon this lots of lots of reflection is because I let myself forget that I wasn't in control. Instead, my old survival mechanisms kicked in, and I tried to control my way around everything to fix it. And to keep it from happening again. And this is where we as humans struggle when we face unexpected challenges, we struggle because we believe we've lost control. When the truth is, you never had any control in the first place. And that, my friend, is the beautiful truth I want to offer to you today. Because it's where the freedom lies. There is nothing, nothing to control. Believe me, this is a principle that I am still working on embracing I have by no means perfected it. And I probably will not in this life. But the point here is that the need for control is an illusion. The problem is it's a hardwired illusion. It's part of the human condition. You don't have to look hard to see how this plays out in every organization and entity from government and politics, to human rights to local municipalities, schools, families. Why? Because on some level, we believe that control gives us something. What does it give you? For some it's power. For others, authority. For me, personally, safety. When things feel in control, I feel safe. And when they feel out of control, that's when the anxiety hits. That's when my mind starts to spiral.

 

Courtney Elmer  34:20  

Now back in episode 158, I had the incredible author Gay Hendricks on the show, and in an episode, if you haven't listened to it, I really recommend going back and listening to it. He shared a very practical process for overcoming worry and anxiety. And I believe that we can apply this exact same process when we notice our need to control. So the process for worry is like this. The first step is to simply notice that you're worrying. Next, you need to notice where in your body you feel it. Hold on to that feeling for as long as possible. Simply ask yourself, I wonder what positive thought is trying to come through right now. And then consciously let go of the worry, and wait for the positive thought to come through. This is a process that gate developed for approaching those times in our life where we notice we're worrying about something where we feel anxious about something. And I can tell you, it's very effective. I practice this myself. And I got to thinking in preparation for this episode, what if we were to apply that to control? It might look something like this. The first step being to notice what is it that you're trying to control? And notice where in your body do you feel it? Then hold on to that feeling for as long as you can. And ask yourself, I wonder what new approach I would see. If I release my grip. Then consciously release your grip and wait for that new perspective.

 

Courtney Elmer  36:12  

Here's the thing. Chances are most of us, you listening to this right now you know that control is an illusion, you know it? We know it. But do we live it? What I'm going to say next is something that is really, really important to your ability to overcome setbacks in your life and in your business. So listen closely to my voice. Right now, I'm about to share with you something that I've coined the resiliency principle. This is the thing that will one day become my life's work and my lasting legacy. Here's the basic tenant of it. When you are faced with a challenge, you must first acknowledge that you cannot control the challenge. But there is one thing that you can control the way in which you approach the challenge. And here's the resiliency principle at work, you have a choice, you can choose to be resentful of the challenges that are presented to you, or you can choose to be resilient. Resiliency is a choice. And the secret to overcoming any setback is to recognize that while you can't control what's happening, why it's happening, when it happens, it doesn't mean that you don't have a choice at all. And that's what most people do. They think, oh, I can't control this, I don't have a choice, right, we just try to get through it. We grit our teeth, we dig in our heels. And it's time to recognize that you do have a choice. This is where you as an online entrepreneur, as a leader, as a significant other. As a parent, as an individual. You need to learn to shift your focus when the world around you won't quit. Because it's not going to quit. And you may not be able to change what's happening. 

 

Courtney Elmer

But no matter what you're facing, you always have a choice because you can choose how you approach what's happening. Will you run away and cower in fear? Where you try to dig in your heels and tighten your grip and white knuckle your way through it and control it? Will you be resentful of what's happening and make your life circumstances the scapegoat for why you can't do or be or have or achieve all that you set out to achieve? Or will you choose to move through it with the fear in spite of the fear, because you know you believe that on the other side there is a great reward. Now here's the key. Resilience is the first step. But it's not the last there was actually an even deeper and greater lesson that lies beyond resilience. Resilience is the key that unlocks it. What lies beyond resilience is something called anti fragility. And it goes beyond resilience because what it means is that something doesn't merely withstand a shock, but that it actually improves because of the shock. And the difference between resilience and anti fragility and the reason why resilience is the doorway to anti fragility is that resilience is about recovery. After something happens, right after a challenge or a mistake, or a shock or a setback or a stressor Whereas anti fragility is defined as a performance gain when exposed to adversity. So anti fragility takes resilience one step further. And I find this fascinating. Now there is a graphic, it's a very simple graph. For those of you who are visual like me, I'm going to link to it in the show notes, because I find this really helpful. 

 

Courtney Elmer

And it explains the difference between being fragile, right, breaking under pressure, resisting pressure, adapting to pressure, or innovating, because of pressure. And so to me, when we choose to be resilient, then it opens the door to adaptability, which in turn, if we continue to seek that prize, seek the lesson. Seek the learning, seek the new idea, seek the growth, that it leads to innovation, it leads to anti fragility. And I know when life is coming at you left and right, front and back, top and bottom, it is so easy to forget that you have a choice. But this is the very thing that I implore you, implore you to remember if you take nothing else away from this episode. So how do we make this practical? How do we move forward? When there are challenges? How do we move through challenges? Well, the thing is, we can't control the speed at which we move through them, this is a very, very important lesson, challenges are going to happen. Right now. I'm experiencing grief, which is a very heavy emotion. It's a very unpredictable emotion, and it comes in waves. I don't know how long it's gonna last. I can't control that. But this is what I am consciously choosing to do during this difficult season. Number one is to see each of these setbacks as a catalyst for growth as a doorway, for growth. Number two, to let it take as long as it takes to not try to fix it, to not try to rush the process. Number three, to live for today. To not constantly look back and go, Oh my gosh, poor pitiful me all these things have happened to me, this is a big one. For me, I'm really, really working on this. 

 

Courtney Elmer

But to live for today, eyes forward, but not allowing myself to get into the future and the what ifs right, to let go of the past. To trust that the future will take care of itself. And to live for today to control what I can and to let go of what I can't. Next to make space to process to make space to heal. Which for me looks like no social media right now. A lot of extra sleep. Some nights I'm in bed for seven 7:30pm. I know such a grandma. But my body needs it. My brain needs it. And so I'm allowing it. I'm not trying to force my way through it. And to have slower mornings, this is another big one for me. Were in your day, can you look around and slow down? Where can you intentionally move slowly throughout your day for me, it's the morning for you maybe it's another time of day. But to make space for that processing to happen. And to give myself permission to not feel 100% This is a hard one for us type A go getters. But I hope is that I'm giving myself permission to not be everywhere at all times and to not have to feel 100% either at all times that I give others permission to do the same. And finally to choose resilience because it is the doorway to growth and innovation to look for the lessons but not just to learn the lessons to apply the lessons because that is where the growth happens. So right now, as we wrap up this episode, I will ask you this. 

 

Courtney Elmer

What in your life are you trying to control? What would happen if you relax your grip? What would happen if you choose resilience over resentment? And what would your life look like? If you allow that resilience to be the door way to growing through what you go through. All right, my friend. That's all I got for you today, I really hope that you take at least one thing, from this episode, choose one thing and apply it to your life. Whatever resonated the most just choose one action that you can take today and put it into practice. Maybe you journal, a page in response to one of the questions that I just posed. Maybe you take yourself through that control protocol that I gave you, maybe you'll look at the hard thing that you're going through. And notice if you're being resentful, and if you notice it, don't judge yourself for it. Don't beat yourself up for it. Just soften your attitude toward it by physically softening your body by taking a deep breath, and powerfully, exhale the resentment and repeat until you feel more at ease.

 

Courtney Elmer  46:01  

I really hope that you the online entrepreneur, found this helpful. I know this episode is a bit unconventional for what I typically share. But again, I felt that I would be doing you a disservice as a fellow online entrepreneur if I didn't share it. My hope is that it helps you feel more seen more validated in your struggle, and perhaps gives you some tools that you can use to get through whatever it is you're going through. Now if you did find it helpful, it would mean a lot to me if you follow our show on Apple podcasts. This way you get notified every time a new episode is available. And if you already follow our show, then share it with a friend. Tell them to follow to because this not only helps other online entrepreneur and business owners and leaders find the resources they need to build a self sustaining business. It also supports our work and bringing you these episodes every week. I'm so thankful to you because this show truly would not exist without you. So thank you for joining me here today for being with me here each week. But I will see you back here next Tuesday. And until then, go live your EffortLESS Life®.