New Look, Same Great Show (formerly Systems Made Simple)
March 28, 2023

How to Silence Your Inner Dictator with Tracy Crossley

How to Silence Your Inner Dictator with Tracy Crossley

How would you define insecure attachment?

Even if you know what insecure attachment is, you’ve likely never thought about how it relates to your ability to run and grow a business successfully.

In this episode, Tracy Crossley walks you through the insecure attachment styles that keep you from getting what you want in your online business and your life — plus, she’s revealing how to overcome them!

Inside this episode, you’re going to learn:

  • What insecure attachment styles are and examples of how they show up in your work
  • Why insecure attachment prevents you from moving through adversity and makes you fragile — both in your personal life and your online business
  • How to understand your unique patterns and triggers, so you can overcome insecure attachment and become unstoppable as you grow your business



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Tracy Crossley  0:00  

Most of us until we're confronted with a crisis, or we're confronted with, Why does this always happen, but most of the time, we're not looking at that. Most of the time, we're looking outside of ourselves and going, the problem is out here, the problem is out here. And, you know, truly, it's taking this, you know, this internal perspective of yourself. And I think that that's really hard to do. Because we're not taught this. We're not taught how to have self worth, we're not taught how to overcome things. And so that's what I'm saying. Like, you're, I don't want to say we all have blinders on. But in a sense we do. You know, if you look at movies, you look at music, you look at all of the things that society puts out there, right? It's all very limiting. And it tells you, you need to stay in your box. So as a leader or a business owner, a lot of times we don't see our edges, we just, we just say, well, this is the way it is, or this is how it's going to be right and then we feel bad or feel sorry for ourselves that we can't get past a certain place.


Courtney Elmer  1:04  

Globally ranked among the top shows in business and education, we're known for helping overworked online business owners navigate the ups and downs on the way to seven figures. Each week, you're going to learn how to get the right systems structure and support in place. So you can build a self sustaining business that thrives in a rapidly changing digital environment, and grow through what you go through to create the greater income, influence and impact you deserve. This is Anti-Fragile Entrepreneurship™.


Courtney Elmer

Welcome back to the Anti-Fragile Entrepreneurship™ podcast. This is episode 167. And I'm here today with Tracy Crossly a behavioral relationship expert, who specializes in helping people break up with their unhealthy life and relationship patterns. Because you know, we've all got them. And the reality is, you could put an infinite number of external operating systems in place in your business to help you improve your marketing your sales, buy your time back, refine your delivery, scale your business, whatever it might be. But unless you are also upgrading your internal operating system, the external systems are only going to get you so far. And this is the number one reason why here on the show, we always focus on bringing you guest experts who can help you with your internal systems as much as your external systems. Because unless you want to be someone who breaks in fold under pressure, when things don't go your way in your business, or when the unexpected pops up, and you don't know how to deal with it, because it's so emotionally derailing, then becoming anti fragile is going to require you to dig deeper than maybe you've been digging. 


Courtney Elmer

What's so interesting to me, though, is that throughout my entire life and business, the biggest leaps forward, came from unlearning the survival mechanisms that I learned somewhere along the way, mechanisms that I thought were helping me, but that were really hindering my growth. And this is why I'm bringing Tracy to you today. Because right now, you have internal operating systems at play in your life and in your work that might not be operating as optimally as they could be. And these current internal operating systems could be affecting your health, your relationships, and your very ability to achieve whatever it is you set out to achieve in your business. But when you can begin to understand your own patterns and the things that trigger them, you can break free from them for good and experience greater joy even in the face of adversity and the unexpected. So Tracy is going to walk you through the insecure attachment styles that make you fragile and keep you from getting what you want. Because once you learn how to overcome them, that's when you'll truly become unstoppable.


Courtney Elmer  4:25  

Tracy, welcome. I am delighted to have you here today. This insecure attachment conversation that I have been personally looking forward to for quite some time. You know, as someone who has struggled with insecure attachment in my own life through the years, and how that has shown up for me and what I've had to learn about myself but also unlearn about myself. And so to have someone like yourself who is an expert in this you know here with us on the show today truly is a gift to thank you for your time and for being here today.


Tracy Crossley  4:59  

Well Thank you for having me. And I mean, not that I love talking about insecure attachment, but it's it's second nature at this point. And you know, and having done it in my work for so many years, along with my own journey with insecure attachment, I'm always happy to help other people to understand themselves better or to give them tools that they can use.


Courtney Elmer  5:22  

So before we get into your own journey, in your own story, which I'm very much interested in hearing, can we start by just having you share with us? What does insecure attachment mean? I feel like for me kind of coming from a world of psychology right now living in a world of business. It's a phrase that I'm familiar with. But does the average person think about this? Do we even think about what attach? You know, insecure attachment theory? Tell us, you know, do people, is this something where they're like, What? What does that even mean?


Tracy Crossley  5:53  

Yeah Courtney Elmer, that would be the case. In fact, I was interviewing somebody on my podcast the other day, we were talking afterwards. And I mentioned insecure attachment theory, and she had never heard of it. And it just reminded me that you can be in that world for so long and think, oh, okay, everybody knows this. So, you know, attachment theory was developed in the late 60s. And what's really interesting is that it was about babies when it was first it was by Dr. John Bowlby. And so it was about babies. And then his assistant, Dr. Mary Ainsworth, she took it to the next level, where they went to one and a half year old two year old children to see they did something called a strange experiment to see how a child would react if their mom was coming in and out of the room. And then they brought a stranger in to see what the reaction was.


Tracy Crossley

And they did all these different dynamics to determine how a child was connected to its mother, how was it bonded to its mother. And the thing is, we take these things forward as adults, we don't realize how much of our conditioning as children is basically the foundation for our worldview and our place in it. And so with insecure attachment, what that means is the bond, you don't trust that there's a bond, usually, if you have insecurity, you are not sure of the bond, or the bond is inconsistent. There's just something that doesn't say there is an open door emotional availability from the parent to the child. And so a lot of us will become performers. I became you know, a perfectionist, always trying to figure out how can I get attention? How can I get love that's positive. And then at the same time, I'd rebel and I would be a total avoidant, so I was what was called an anxious avoidant. And different people respond differently depending on their personality. And we bring this forward. And insecure attachment really affects all parts of our lives.


Courtney Elmer  7:51  

You know, for me, I first became interested, I always knew about attachment theory, but I didn't really have an interest in it until I became a mom. And I became interested because I wanted to make sure that I was doing the best for my child, right, that this child could develop insecure attachment. And in learning about this kind of learning about myself in the process and going, Oh, I did not have insecure attachment growing up. And now kind of doing that dance of like, how do I provide insecure attachment when I myself never learned what that was not even thinking about now, which I'm, you know, fascinated to learn from you today. How does this show up in our work? How does this show up with our clients? How does this show up in our business? How does it show up and our ability to do what we're here to do? So what are the attachment styles?


Tracy Crossley  8:40  

Okay Courtney Elmer, so I'm laughing because what happens just like any other theory, okay, is that those are the basic styles. But there are people that have elaborated in the years since this theory came about. So you have fearful disorganized, I mean, actually, when the theory I take that back when the theory first started, it was anxious. It was ambivalent, and it was avoidant. So ambivalent, to me is more an anxious avoidant, but you still have you know, where you're playing both sides of it, right. But the point being, yeah, all of these books that have been written or you go to somebody and they come up with another way of labeling you with a different style, but what I found is when you just stick with anxious, anxious, avoidant and avoidant, you're, you're pretty much with the realm because even if you're a fearful disorganized, you are a person who's anxious and avoidant. And so just knowing those things about yourself and looking at, what do I avoid, and what makes me anxious, if you have results that you're attached to, and you're inked in, the sign to me is you're anxious. You're attached in an unhealthy way. You're feeling insecure about what those results might be, whether it's personal or professional.


Courtney Elmer  10:01  

so interesting. So what are some other ways that these, you know, maybe give us some examples that start with anxious? How might that show up in an adult's life in their professional work setting? Whether that be them running their own business? Or they're working in a corporate environment? How might that show up? I know, you just alluded to it there a little bit. But what are some other like examples, so our listeners can really wrap their mind around what this means and is that something that they might be experiencing in their own life.


Tracy Crossley  10:31  

People that have just anxious attachment, not any other mix in there, usually have a hard time with change. So it's kind of interesting Courtney Elmer, as an entrepreneur, I don't feel that there's a lot of entrepreneurs that are just anxious, because you have to have something that's going to drive you to bigger to change, and anxiety. And people have anxious attachment, it's really hard for them to want to change anything, they usually would cling to current strategies, and only change that if someone else is giving their approval, you know, if they get a committee of people to say, yes, you should make that change, because they don't trust themselves at all. And so in that instance, as a leader, especially, that's very difficult, because if you're not trusting yourself, who's really trusting you, and so you're giving off a message to the people that work with you or for you that they don't really know what to expect, you know, on the one hand, they may think, okay, you know, this person, let's say you're a hard worker. 


Tracy Crossley

But on the other hand, you don't trust yourself. And so people pick up on this dynamic that you have with yourself that self doubt trusting your decisions. Shame is another thing and shame really is at the base of all attachment styles. But it really is about not trusting anything, you know, not trusting life is going to cooperate, not trusting other people are going to cooperate, you know, not really trusting that your results are going to be great. And so there's a certain belief also, that you haven't in competency, even if you don't, even if you have 20 degrees lining up a wall in your house. You will still feel that on some level. you're incompetent.


Courtney Elmer  12:20  

Wow. So what about the other styles? So avoidant? Let's do avoidant next. How does that one show up?


Tracy Crossley  12:27  

Okay. Oh, that one's a fun one Courtney Elmer. And I laugh because I skew more avoidant, or I did skew more avoidant than anxious and so it's not to say that avoidance don't have anxiety they do. There's certain things that will make them have that. So when it comes to somebody who's more avoidant, they're really I don't want to say bossy, because bossy is not the right word. They're domineering, okay, that's a better word. They're very domineering. They seem decisive. But they really also don't trust their own decision. So they may just make a decision just to make a decision. They usually are workaholics, they find intellectual stimulation to be where you know, sort of their safe place, rather than having to engage with others. And especially when it comes to kind of laugh, because when you have employees or people who have, let's say, emotional stuff going on in their lives, this makes the avoidant, very uncomfortable. Like they don't know how to address it. They may feel some kind of empathy, but usually not. Usually, it's they're numb. They're very guarded. They don't want to go there with you. So it's that boss that you might feel okay, I have no, no emotional connection here. I don't have any loyalty to you. 


Tracy Crossley

And I know it's an avoidant, you're really just trying to protect yourself, but you don't realize it. And you don't necessarily see other people as the enemy. But it's really difficult for you to trust other people, you will take risks, and you don't usually, again, look for other people to give their two cents, you know, and that's just because you want to be seen as the trailblazer. You want to be seen in a respectful manner. It's very important for you to have respect. I mean, I think that's the same for everybody. Everybody wants to be respected, but your anger also is in your mind justified in the way you channel it. And there is a huge, huge drive when it comes to competition. You can be very competitive. I mean, there's so many characteristics, but those are some of the ones that I feel others may think you're abrasive. And in so you may work hard to show that you're not right. Like okay, I'll be open and friendly. The truth literally strategizing this, it's not coming naturally to you. So others may think you're a bully even though you're not trying to be a bully. And the thing is like with all the attacks One says, I don't think anybody's trying to do these things. These have been survival mechanisms.


Courtney Elmer  15:07  

That's a really important point right there. Yes, that it's not something that's necessarily your fault. But it's something that you learn to protect yourself, as you mentioned a moment ago, to survive in the world. Right to actually be okay in the world and to feel some sense of safety. Security, not insecure attachment way, but just stability, right? And just to be like, I'm safe that feeling. So would it be correct then to say that anxious avoidant is kind of a combination of the two and that maybe someone skews want more one way or another, or does that show up differently is that kind of its own set of, of characteristics.


Tracy Crossley  15:46  

It really shows both Courtney Elmer. But the funny thing is, this is your most unpredictable CEO, this is your most unpredictable, because on the one hand, you may be open one day to your let's say, your staff, you know, and share something about yourself, but then that felt too vulnerable. And you may just clam back up. And then you might go to the other extreme and just be very cold and pushing people away. I mean, that's, that's pretty normal. Most people that are anxious, avoidant, though are rescuers, they tend to want to rescue people and again, not get emotionally close to you, but that they want to show their value through, okay, I'm going to rescue the situation, I'm going to save the situation, and then I'm going to be validated by it. And that's what they're looking for is that validation that I'm okay, see, I saved you or I saved the business or I saved, whatever it happened to be, like I used to years ago, when I was in corporate, for whatever reason, I would walk into these jobs that were not supposed to be a disaster. 


Tracy Crossley

And it was like, you know, The Towering Inferno, like it was just oh my god, this building is on fire. And I have to save everybody in it. And I would wonder, like, how did I end up in these, you know, these positions, and that always would happen? And then I would get validated, oh, you save those accounts, you save the division, you save the business, right? And, and so to me, it was like this all or nothing attitude, because at the same time, you know, I could get all that validation. But then I would also, again, create that distance, and and sort of go, Okay, this can't be this important. You know, that wasn't enough. And then I was always trying to build what's the next mountain for me to climb. And I think with also people that are anxious avoidant, because what happens is your avoidant tendencies are always trying to create space to create distance, okay. And when you're anxious, you as an anxious avoidant, you don't want everybody knowing you're anxious, you're trying to hide the fact that you're anxious. So that is a really important factor. Because if you're trying to hide something that you're feeling, it's very difficult. And again, that's why you give off this energy. You know, we all have an animal instinct where we pick up on if somebody's in a certain mood when they walk in a room, right? And you pick that up, and people are like, Okay, I don't know how to take this person. So every day, you know, maybe they're making bets on how is she going to show up today? How was he going to do this or whatever. And it's really also difficult. I think when you're an anxious avoidant to say what you really mean, and everything you say is strategized Courtney Elmer.


Courtney Elmer  18:33  

This is so fascinating. I mean, as you're describing these characteristics, I'm picturing picturing in my mind some very real world situations and some very specific people, right. And I also see myself in some of these as well. And I'm sure for those listening, they kind of are doing the same like little nod like, oh, yeah, I know someone like that, or, Oh, that, yes, that's my husband or right. That's my spouse, that's my, whoever it might be. I'm very interested in hearing about your method and the tools for you know, how do we actually do this? How do we overcome this? How can we live in emotionally stable, secure life, right, where it's a joyful experience, and that one, we're always kind of fighting against ourselves and our internal programming. 


Courtney Elmer

Before we get to that, for someone listening right now who might see themselves in one of the styles that you've described, right, whether it's anxious, avoidant or anxious, avoidant, I'm curious to know, how might this affect the results that they are able to get or not able to get in there work right now as a coach, as a course creator, as someone who wants to be seen as a thought leader, right, but maybe is experiencing some doubt or struggling to put themselves out there? How, you know, is there a way that we can measure that and to notice, okay, yes, I noticed these tendencies in myself, but how is that affecting my work? What's the cost of continuing to operate this way?


Tracy Crossley  19:59  

Right It is a big cost because it's limiting. So most people don't realize that you're conditioning, your childhood conditioning. Right Courtney Elmer? Where again, you developed your worldview, on yourself. And on other things, you actually don't see that. Right? And I mean, most of us until we're confronted with a crisis, or we're confronted with, Why does this always happen? Most of the time, we're not looking at that, most of the time, we're looking outside of ourselves and going, the problem is out here, the problem is out here. And, you know, truly, it's taking this, you know, this internal perspective of yourself. And I think that that's really hard to do. Because we're not taught this, we're not taught how to have self worth, we're not taught how to overcome things. And so that's what I'm saying, like, you're, I don't want to say we all have blinders on. But in a sense, we do. You know, if you look at movies, you look at music, you look at all of the things that society puts out there, right Courtney Elmer? 


Tracy Crossley

It's all very limiting. And it tells you, you need to stay in your box. So as a leader or a business owner, a lot of times we don't see our edges, we just, we just say, well, this is the way it is, or this is how it's going to be right. And then we feel bad or feel sorry for ourselves that we can't get past a certain place, whether it's a certain level of revenue, or a certain amount of clients, or, you know, the size of our business, or the business structure, or, you know, whatever it is where we're comparing ourselves, let's say to another business, or we don't feel great for other business owners, when they have positive things happen. You can just go on LinkedIn and scroll through and people are saying, Oh, this just happened for me. And if you feel bad, like, oh, gosh, that's not me. That's telling you right there that you're very limited in what you see for yourself. And you have to know that that is just in your head. That's not a reality. And it when I say it's in your head, it's this conditioning. And that's, to me, one of the most important things in breaking through it, because you want to get to a place where you're Unlimited, meaning there are no boundaries, you can keep going past them. 


Tracy Crossley

But importantly, enough with this, many times we think, Okay, well, I definitely am always pushing boundaries. But if you're doing it from a place of fear or insecurity, to prove something, you're never going to feel successful. Even if you look successful, you're never going to have that sense of value inside. When somebody says to you great job, you're going to think, oh, shoot, I've got to go on to the next thing, I've got to keep proving that I'm okay. So let me make a even bigger challenge for myself, or bigger accomplishment. And so it's a never ending cycle, you feel like you're on a treadmill, you get burnt out, which is another issue with it. And then you just I don't want to say you give up, but you burn out what happens when you burn out, you stop or you change directions, and maybe you never achieve what it is you dreamed of achieving. So there's, you know, a lot, I would say that it definitely gets in the way. I


Courtney Elmer  23:12  

think that last piece is such an important distinction, too, you know, and that what I'm hearing is the first step really is just to recognize that for most of us, maybe not all of us, right? But for most of us, we're operating from a place of limitation, and probably without knowing it. So we've got to become aware of it. We've got to start recognizing, oh, is this really the way it is? Because if you can look around and notice that it's not that way for someone else, and that it's therefore not true 100% of the time, then maybe it's not the way it is, maybe that's just the way it is for me. I think that's so important.


Courtney Elmer

And I want you know, for anyone listening today, like you walk away with nothing else walk away with that, you know, how can we start becoming more aware of how we're showing up and where our limitations might be? This can be a tricky thing to do Tracy, which I'm hoping you can shed some light on because you know, it's easy to say that say, oh, let's become aware of where we're limited. But if we don't know where we're limited, how do we become aware of that? What, what are some of those tools? And what is your method? Can you walk us through that process of how do we begin to overcome this?


Tracy Crossley  24:24  

Sure Courtney Elmer. And so I would love to be able to say my method is like ABC, but it's really a deep dive. And the thing is, you go back to your childhood conditioning, you go back to how is the belief made, while a belief is made by you having emotional reactions to things, right. So if somebody says to you, the sky is purple, you're not going to have an emotional reaction to that. Okay? But you look at it and you're like, oh my gosh, it's blue, right? And you see it over and over, and it registers and it has there's an emotional tinge to that. That makes it a belief right Right, I keep witnessing us. And I can feel it, and I can see it. So to me it was if I had an emotional reaction to something as a child and I created a belief, then that means that I need to work emotionally on this not necessarily mentally. And so my method became an emotional method. And it was really important for people to understand that, first of all, one of the things that someone would want to do is to get out of your head. And when you say, get out of your head, where do you go, you go to your body, your emotions live in your body, they do not live in your head. 

Tracy Crossley

Have you ever noticed when you're in pain, I mean, yes, you can have a headache. But most of us, let's say we're suffering emotional, or even mental anguish, it's in your body. And so all of the reactions you've ever had live in your muscle memory, when you think about driving a car, and something runs in front of you, your face contorts into some kind of grimace, your whole body tightens up. So that's the reaction it's used to having when something like that happens. So imagine there's probably millions of reactions you have, depending on what is happening. So what we do is we go inward, and we start to suss out, well, let's get into what those emotional reactions are. Along with looking at there's there's elements that keep patterns in place, you know, negative patterns. So you look at well, I have this pattern, let's say, of losing my temper as an example. You know, when revenue goes down, and so you have to look at, well, what's that trigger. And once you notice what the trigger is, which could be this fear of loss, it could be this fear of humiliation, I mean, everything really comes back to a fear of loss anyway. So you basically have to look at will, okay, I'm triggered. And triggers are a great way to know that you want to get some help. So you know, if you're triggered, and it takes you off your game, if you're triggered, and you're not getting the results you want, if you're triggered, and it's creating issues, communication issues with you and other people. 

Tracy Crossley

So what we do though, is once you you've been triggered as we get into what's being triggered, what are the beliefs, we work on the beliefs, we work on breaking your patterns, and you start to feel the sense of I always say, like, people feel giddy, like a little kid giddy, because you're excited, like, Oh, my God, I feel a sense of freedom. And I feel like I can make some other decisions. And you do and other people start to notice. So, you know, but some of the things like you asked, you know, what would tell somebody that they need to, you know, that this is happening, right? So a lot of times, let's say you have people who are around you, and they're complaining, let's say you're losing clients, let's say that you're losing team members. I mean, my thing was, I could force team members out in a heartbeat I was I was just, oh, you're not performing. 

Tracy Crossley

You're not doing what I want. I'm done with you. That was how I was with people, whether I was in corporate or in my own business. And so I had short patience. These were other things, right? You know, we have short patience. If you work in a business, and you're not getting ahead, that's another sign. Anything where you're not gaining ground, and moving forward, is a sign that hey, guess what, there is something you need to look out here. And, to me, this work, is really a miracle. Because I see it, like I don't carry the heavy load around anymore. And when you're carrying a heavy load, you're probably trying to prove yourself that you're okay. You're needing that validation from other people. You're needing the congratulations, even though you don't take it in. It's just enough to say, Okay, I'm at least you know, getting along in life, and people are thinking I'm okay, even if I don't feel okay. So that was I hope that all of that answered your questions there.

Courtney Elmer  28:59  

Yes. That is such a practical step. You listening right now you can walk away with that from this episode. So Tracy, let me ask you, what do you usually recommend to your clients to keep track of their triggers and their patterns, when they begin to do this deeper work on themselves?

Tracy Crossley  29:17  

Well, you know, we do it in different ways Courtney Elmer. So because it's an individual thing, and I will tell you a couple of things. One other thing that you can do, most of us, like I said, we live in our heads. And so one of the things we started having people do in the beginning, is to set their alarm on their phone three times a day and try to feel feelings in their body, which means to look for stiffness, look for pain. A lot of times we sit in uncomfortable positions, without noticing it. That's how disconnected we are from our bodies. But it's to start really touching into that. The other thing I will give you is when we tell people okay, you're going to have resistance. We always have resistance to changing patterns and changing beliefs and that can come out as anger, it can feel heavy in your chest like, oh, I can't do that, no, I'm not going to do that. That's a sign right there that it's, you need to do a deeper dive, you need to go, Okay, let me feel the feelings in my body, and then see what message they have for me. And these are just starting points because it's, again, it's a lot of deeper work. And one other thing I will give you and not to complicate things. 

Tracy Crossley

But when it comes to finding a belief, okay, one of the there's a pyramid I have, it's called the belief pyramid. And the belief pyramid has five levels to it. And the five levels are starting with the foundation is a belief on top of that, or rules on top of that are stories on top of that are patterns. And on top of that is evidence. And what you find is, oftentimes you're not going to know the belief, even though it's you know, it's on the bottom, you have rules. So if you listen to yourself talk, or even the words coming out of your mouth, when you say words that include the verbs like should shouldn't, will, won't, can can't. That kind of thing. That's a rule. Okay, you hear that? You could go, Oh, I just said that. I wonder if I break that rule? Change it from do to don't or should to shouldn't, right? And I do that if I'm going to basically make an impression here, right? And it also will tell you, Well, why would I have a rule like that? What belief? Could I have that I need a rule like that? Okay. And then you have your stories on top of the rules, right in this pyramid. And the stories are based on the rule. So I could say, I can't have $100 million business. 

Tracy Crossley

And then I'll say, because, and then I go into a story, which is only my story. And I ruminate, and it lives in my head. Right? And so a way to basically break the story down is to go, is this true? Are these elements true? Right? And again, you can go back to well, what would I have to believe about myself to have a story like this? That's going to give you some insight to that? And lastly, with the patterns, you can look at what you say and what you do. And is your pattern in alignment with the goals that you have? Or is it completely out of it? And what is it supporting? So if I'm acting in certain ways, I can say what do I believe myself? Oh, excuse me, what do I believe about myself? If I'm acting like this. So this is just some insight to get you started? And then you want to be able to take a deeper dive because you want to break through this stuff. And you don't want it limiting your life?

Courtney Elmer  32:41  

Yes, absolutely. And I can just add from personal experience, having the guidance of someone to help you walk through this process, which is very unfamiliar, if you don't live in this world, right, and thinking about your thoughts and looking at your beliefs and recognizing your patterns. Most of it's automatic, we just live our lives. So it's not natural, right, but to have someone there who can guide you, and point out those areas where you might be being triggered, or you might be resisting, and you don't even realize it, it is so valuable. And I can say honestly, of all of the programs courses work that I have invested in my business over the years doing the work on the beliefs. In the short term, you don't see the payoff, because it's like, oh, here, I'm doing all this internal work my business over here, my bank accounts not growing, right. But in the long term, that's the thing that made all the difference. Hands down 100%. And I know that you have some resources, you have a book, you have a podcast, which I would love for you to tell us a little bit about. And there's also a guide that you were telling me about right before we hit record that I think our listeners would really love. Could you share a little bit about that with us too?

Tracy Crossley  33:53  

Sure, sure Courtney Elmer. So I wrote a book called overcoming insecure attachment. And it's available at all booksellers. And it really is a I would say it's kind of like a Bible to it, where a lot of the stuff I'm talking about right now, you would find in there and it gives you the how to on making these kinds of changes. And then if you go to my website, Tracy That's my the business section of my website. And at the bottom, there is a link and you can get this free download for stopping your inner dictator. And that's really that negative voice that's in your head that's always telling you how you're doing things wrong and, you know, blah, blah, blah, and it keeps you ruminating on things that really aren't of use to you. Well, this download will help you it will give you some tips on how to do that. And then lastly, my podcast.

Tracy Crossley

I have two podcasts I have the freedom from attachment which I've had for the last eight years and there's like 700 episodes talking about everything attachment that you could even think of. And then I have my newest podcast which is called earned wisdom for accomplished female leaders. and I love it because I do talk about insecure attachment. I also talk about ocean, the Big Five personality traits. And in anything else that's really relevant to female leadership. Along with I have interviews of female leaders on there. And it's really been pretty exciting and impactful in terms of just the women that I've interviewed. So anyways, yeah, so those are my podcast. Awesome.

Courtney Elmer  35:24  

We're gonna link to all of that in the show notes. If you're listening right now. And you're coming back to this and like, Okay, what was the link that Tracy said, just scroll down, you'll see it in the show notes there, click through, it'll take you right where you need to go. Tracy, thank you so much for being here today for sharing your insight, your deep wisdom on this topic, which I feel like is something that's not talked about enough. So thank you for bringing that to our listeners today. All right, my friend. That does it for today. Thank you so much for joining us on another episode of Anti-Fragile Entrepreneurship™. And if you want to connect with Tracy, make sure you head to the shownotes you can get the link she shared here on air and grab that resource that she's giving you totally free to help you take the first steps to silencing your inner dictator. 

Courtney Elmer

Now, if you like this show, here's my one ask for you this week. If this episode impacted you, if you learned something new that you didn't know before, my ask is that you share this episode with a friend. It literally takes you two seconds to do we all know a fellow business owner who is struggling in some aspect of their business right now. And who knows maybe this episode is just the thing that they need to help them to help them break through. Now, if you love the show, and you tune in week after week, and you haven't left a review yet, it would mean the world to me if you did, all you have to do if you're listening on Apple, scroll down, tap the five stars, and then click the little link that says write a review. Even just one sentence helps because what it does is it lets other people know that this is a show worth listening to. And if you want to connect with me personally, I hang out on Instagram at the Courtney Elmer, I would absolutely love to see you in my DMs and in my feed over there. 

Courtney Elmer

And speaking of Instagram, if you follow me there, you might have seen that recently, we had to take my son to the ER, it was a very scary, emotionally intense day and thankfully, he is fine. We are so grateful. But next week, I'm going to share with you three simple tips for navigating the unexpected life stuff that pops up in the midst of running your business, whether it's a trip to the ER with your kid, or whether they randomly cut off the Wi Fi access on your street, or whether you're sick or whatever the case might be. So join me back here next week. And until then, let's go out and grow through what we go through. Together.

Tracy CrossleyProfile Photo

Tracy Crossley

Owner at Intuitive Reinvention

Tracy Crossley innovates in a crowded marketplace of coaches, counselors and mentors. She has perfected a method for real change no matter what circumstances are occurring in the life of an individual; personally or in business. With her background in business, marketing, psychology, ontological coaching, emotional intelligence and intuitive abilities, Tracy is the gamechanger for women leaders looking to reinvent how they live and lead from the inside out. She has been known to say she can build the perfect leader for the present and the future.