3 Tips for Navigating the Unexpected While Growing Your Business

00:00:00 - Courtney Elmer
If you follow me on Instagram, you might have seen that last week we had a very unexpected trip to the ER with our son, and thankfully, he's okay. But this recent experience inspired me to share with you three simple tips that you can rely on for navigating the unexpected life stuff that pops up in the midst of running and growing your business. Whether that's a trip to the ER with your kid, or they randomly cut off the WiFi access on your street that day, or you come down with a virus or something, or whatever the case might be.

That's all coming up next, so stay tuned.

00:00:37 - Courtney Elmer
Globally ranked among the top shows in business and education, we're known for helping overworked digital business owners navigate the ups and downs on the way to seven figures. Each week, you're going to learn how to get the right systems, structure, and support in place so you can build a self-sustaining business that thrives in a rapidly changing digital environment and grow through what you go through to create greater income, influence, and impact you deserve. This is AntiFragile Entrepreneurship.

So it was 5:15 AM on a Wednesday morning, and I had just sat down on the sofa in my favorite spot with my cup of coffee in my Yeti mug, my prayer books, and my journal. The entire house was quiet, literally my favorite time of the day.

00:01:20
And then suddenly, out of nowhere, I hear whimpering coming from behind the door of my son's room down the hall. And I waited a few minutes because usually when I hear that, it just means he's lost his lovey in his bed, one of his 14 animals that he sleeps with every night. And usually, once he finds the one he's looking for, he falls back asleep. But this time, it was different. Because he continued to whimper. And very shortly after that, I heard his door open, and he walked into the hallway and he, crumbled into a heap on the floor, and he was crying.

00:01:53 - Courtney Elmer
He said, Mommy, Mommy, my head hurts. My head hurts. And so I rushed over there, I gently picked him up. I brought him to the sofa so I could see him in the light. And I looked at him, and his lips were almost white.

00:02:08
And I said, Baby, where does your head hurt? And he's pointing in the back of his head, and he's crying, and he's saying, Mommy, make it stop. Mommy. Mommy. It hurts.

00:02:17
And he was kind of limp and lethargic like he couldn't really sit upright. And I said, Baby, look at me. And he's trying to look at me, but he can't really focus with his eyes. And, of course, I'm just, like, full-on mom mode at that moment. I rush to the cabinet.

00:02:33
I get some Motrin. I give him Motrin. I get an ice pack for his head. I get some ice water. I get him comfortable, and I go into the bedroom where my husband was.

00:02:41
Fortunately, he was still at home because he usually leaves at 04:30 AM. To go work out. And I said, Babe, not to alarm you, but I think we need to go to the ER. Like, those are the first words you want to hear in the morning, right? And so we, like, rush into emergency mode.

00:02:55
We get AJ into the car. We get him to the hospital. We go into the pediatric unit. And for the next 4 hours, the doctors were in and out of the room, in and out of the room, running multiple tests. And finally, the ER doctor in charge that day came in, and he said, you know, we're a little mystified by this.

00:03:14
He said because normally a headache shows up in the front of your head, it doesn't come on suddenly. It doesn't wake you up in the middle of the night. He said, so because of the location of the headache, the severity, and just the fact that it came on so suddenly, we want to get a CT scan done. And, of course, that's the last thing you ever want to hear as parents, right? Because it's the what if.

00:03:37 - Courtney Elmer
What if there's something worse? What if there's something under the surface here that's been going on that we didn't know about, and the guilt that even comes with that thought? So we got the CT scan done, we waited for the results, and everything came back clear, which most people would think is a relief. And it is. It is a relief.

00:04:00 - Courtney Elmer
But at the same time, we still didn't have an answer. Now, by this point, our son had perked up a bit. He seemed to be feeling a little bit more himself. The doctors thought it was a good sign that he was responding to the Motrin that I had given him. But we still didn't have an answer for what caused this in the first place.

00:04:19 - Courtney Elmer
And how often in our life do we go through our day? We go through our week, we go through our months without answers, and we still have to deal with all of the fires that come up in the course of a day or a week. The day before that, they had a gas leak at his school, which caused the school to close unexpectedly. That day. We found out in the carpool line that morning he didn't even enter the school that day.

00:04:46 - Courtney Elmer
So that was completely unrelated to the ER visit the next day. And then the day before that was one of those days where it just felt like everything I touched turned into a fire to put out. And chances are you've had those days, too. And some people might say, okay, you know what? Suck it up.

00:05:02 - Courtney Elmer
This is life. Just keep going. You'll get through it. Do whatever you have to do. And, yeah, sure, there might be some truth to that because the unexpected is inevitably going to happen.

00:05:13 - Courtney Elmer
And when you're least prepared for it, it's going to throw your mental health off. It's going to cause you to feel all kinds of stress and emotion, and the only way to get through it is to go through it. But I want to caution you here because this line of thinking by itself is dangerous. This feeling of this is awful. Nothing ever goes my way; nothing ever goes according to my plan.

00:05:34 - Courtney Elmer
When am I going to catch a break? When can I catch my breath? And believe me; I know more than I would like to admit that that is an exhausting way to live. Because sooner or later, you are going to find yourself inside one of what I call life's unexpected valleys. Those low points in life, the points in life where we're usually in survival mode, and we're trying to escape, we try to get out of that valley as quickly as we can.

00:06:08 - Courtney Elmer
But the danger here is that if you approach every inevitable valley in your life with the mindset that this is just the way it is, nothing ever goes according to your plan. I'm exhausted; when am I going to catch a break? This mindset will manifest for you; it will exhaust you. You will burn out, you will feel like a victim, and you will feel powerless. And I've found myself there many times while growing the business.

00:06:39 - Courtney Elmer
But what I've also learned, and what most people don't realize, is that there is another option. Doesn't matter what you're facing while growing your business. It can be an unexpected email from an upset client that you have to deal with all of a sudden. It can be a team member giving you their notice, and you have to figure out how you are possibly going to find and hire and train someone else in the midst of all the additional work that's getting pushed back onto your plate. It might be you getting sick or dealing with family members who are sick, having to put your plans aside to care for them.

00:07:11 - Courtney Elmer
Maybe it's something worse, like a car accident, a natural disaster, or a phone call from your school saying your child is hurt. It could be even worse, like an unexpected diagnosis. And even worse, like some sort of tragic event or death or significant loss. The challenge de jour doesn't matter. What matters here is knowing, first of all, there will be challenges.

00:07:46
Sometimes they're going to pop up when you least expect them. Other times they're going to be strung together where it feels like you can't catch your breath in between them, and you find yourself living in the valley of mental health issues. Sometimes that valley might last a day; other times, it's a week. Sometimes it lasts for months; sometimes, it's years. So the question here, when we find ourselves in these valleys in our life, is not how do I get out of the valley, how do I get rid of the challenges that I'm facing while growing the business?

00:08:14 - Courtney Elmer
Those are the wrong questions to be asking. The question you need to be asking yourself is, what if it were possible for me to approach these inevitable challenges differently so that I can change the way I experience the valley and thus, dare I say, make it enjoyable and even exciting to go through the valley? Now, I know that might sound far-fetched, but before you check out, stick with me because what I have to say next is really important. So listen closely to my voice right now, especially if you are going through a difficult season of mental health issues in your life. Because here's the bottom line.

00:08:59
The only thing you have control over when difficult situations come your way is how you approach the situation.

00:09:11 - Courtney Elmer
You can't control what's going on around you. Oftentimes, the life stuff happens when we least expect it, and it's totally beyond your control. And in those moments, the only thing you can do is choose how you will approach the situation. And how you approach these situations is going to make all the difference in how you experience the valley. It's going to make all the difference in how you experience the frustrating life stuff that just kind of has a way of getting in your way.

00:09:48
And when you find yourself in a valley, you've probably heard a lot of the common advice out there, like, oh, just give yourself some grace. Just be gentle with yourself. You know, you're going through a really rough time. Try to rest. Try to do what you can right now for extra self-care or the one that I hate the most. Oh, you're strong, you're so strong.

00:10:09 - Courtney Elmer
You're going to get through this. And you're probably nodding your head because you've heard all of these things, and none of this information is actually helpful, is it? Because when you're in the middle of a hard day or a hard week, or a hard month, those kinds of platitudes can be an absolute turnoff to hear.

And don't get me wrong, you and I both know that the people who give this advice are usually well-intentioned, but they're not in your pain, so they don't really see your pain, which can make you feel unacknowledged and amplify any of the negative or unpleasant emotions that you're feeling inside. It amplifies the frustration; it amplifies the exhaustion and the overwhelm.

00:11:02 - Courtney Elmer
But in my experience, I've found that there are three things, at the very minimum, that you can do in the middle of these unexpectedly difficult situations that you have no control over and no choice but to deal with while growing your business. And so last week, after sitting in the ER, going through this experience, I got to thinking, I've got to share those with you so that you can have some more reliable tools to lean on next time you find yourself in a valley in your life that you do not want to be in.

So I'm going to share those here with you today. And as you walk away from this episode, take what works for you and your digital business. So the first thing is to remember that you're not the only one in the Valley.

00:11:53 - Courtney Elmer
Now, if you've ever had an experience where a problem seems to keep repeating in your life, even while growing your business, and you find yourself thinking, why does this keep happening to me? Why can't I catch a break? It feels pretty disheartening. It's downright discouraging. I cried a lot this week, which is okay.

00:12:16 - Courtney Elmer
That's a very normal response to traumatic situations. But sometimes, these situations can feel isolating. It can feel like you are the only one going through it. And when you're experiencing such intensity of emotion, it can be very easy to forget, to notice how others around you are going through this too. Now, that doesn't mean that you will have the same experience as someone else.

00:12:45
No two people have the same experience of the same event. But sitting in the ER that day, it wasn't just me. My husband was there too. He was going through this too. My son was there.

00:13:00
He was going through this too. The, er, doctors were there. The nurses, the techs, they were going through this too. There were other children in the ER that day. Their parents were there.

00:13:14 - Courtney Elmer
They were going through this too. There were other adults in the waiting room, both when we walked in and walked out. Other family members. They were going through this too. And you can continue to expand this.

00:13:30 - Courtney Elmer
Let's take it further. That was just one ER in our city. There are dozens of ERs in our city now. Think of all the ERs in all the cities across the United States. Think of all the ERs in all the cities and towns across the globe, and that was just one day.

What about all the patients in all the cities in all the ERs across the globe? Tomorrow and the next day and the next?

00:14:05 - Courtney Elmer
My life was not the only one affected that day by a trip to the ER. In fact, the very next morning, I got a text from the mom of one of my son's classmates saying they had gone to the ER the night before for something completely different. And here she was, checking in on my son to see how he was doing. So often, when we experience these low points in our life, people like to remind us that we're not alone. And that, in and of itself, can be a turn-off.

00:14:43
Because normally when people say that in the middle of something difficult, you just want to roll your eyes, like, yeah, yeah, okay, I'm not alone, but I feel alone right now, experiencing this. But this specific exercise is a little different because what it's doing is it's helping you notice, hey, who else is in this situation with me? And expand that out as far as you possibly can. And when you do, you will notice I am not alone in this. And when done this way, it won't diminish how you feel but should bring you some consolation.

00:15:23
Now, we can even take this one step further because here's the thing. I'm a spiritual person. I believe in a higher power for me. That's God.

00:15:35
And if you share the same belief, it can be easy to forget, especially in these moments, that you are also divinely supported. Full transparency. I didn't even give that a thought sitting in the ER that Wednesday. Didn't even think about it. But after the fact, I was quickly reminded of it.

00:16:00 - Courtney Elmer
And though this didn't immediately ease the weight of my emotions, it did give me a gentle consolation that I can lean on my support systems, both human and divine, to get through whatever it is that I'm experiencing. So that's number one, remembering that you're not the only one in the Valley. Number two is a little unconventional, and it's one I've had to learn the hard way over the years. I'm still learning this if I'm being honest with myself. But number two is to expect an emotional hangover and adjust accordingly.

00:16:46 - Courtney Elmer
I'll be honest with you, this one is difficult, especially when you're running and growing your business, because we still have to show up for our clients. I was in the ER that day, sending emails, letting people know there would be delays this week, there would be delays with this deadline. We're pushing this back. But the key here is to keep the lines of communication open and take the time you need because there is no telling how you're going to feel when you go through something difficult. But what is true is that you will feel something.

00:17:20
Your body and your mind, and your schedule while growing your business are all going to need some time to breathe and readjust, even if it's just little pockets of time that you plug in for you. So this is one area where the process of growth through pain happens. Because when something difficult occurs in your life, it's kind of like this feeling of being uprooted. All of your plans get thrown out the window. Everything you had planned for that day or that week, you suddenly lose control over.

00:17:55
So once you get uprooted by something, when you stay uprooted, when you stay swept up in this emotional snowball of difficulty, the mental health checks, you have to reroute. You have to ground yourself. And this is the time to show extra kindness to yourself, but not the surface-level stuff that people say, like, oh, be gentle with yourself, or, oh, practice self-care. Like, come on, what does that even mean? The only three things that you need to prioritize anytime you're going through a difficult time are your sleep, your hydration and nutrition, and personal space, as much of it as you possibly can get through the mental health issues.

00:18:39 - Courtney Elmer
You're going to need to clear your calendar while growing your business as much as you need to until you come out the other side of whatever it is that you're going through. Maybe it's a day; maybe you need a weekend; maybe you need a month off. And I know that these three things might seem so simple, they might seem so basic, and that's on purpose. Because in the moments when unexpected circumstances throw you off your course and demand your attention and your energy, sometimes the basics are all you can manage.

If I'm going through a difficult time and someone says, hey, try to schedule a little extra time for you this week, in my mind, that means, well, let me go schedule a massage or get a pedicure, go take a walk.

00:19:24 - Courtney Elmer
And if you're going through something really difficult while growing your business, a) you don't have the time for that, b) you don't have the energy for that. And sometimes the basics are all we can do, so we have to double down on those and let that be enough. Because it's going to take some time for you to find your groove again, and forcing it is only going to make it take longer for you to find it. So part of this is you have to accept that it's going to take as long as it takes. As annoying as that is for a type A, routine, addicted, recovering perfectionist.

00:19:59
Like me this past weekend. My parents were so generous, they took our son for the weekend, and Alan and I took two and a half full days to recover from the emotional intensity of this week. And in those moments where you feel out of sync, it will feel hard. But I can tell you this trying to force your way back to normalcy is only going to make you feel worse.

So in these moments, the simplest thing that you can do to tweak your approach to these valleys in your life is to be willing to loosen your grip just a touch and be forgiving with yourself for as long as it takes for you to recover.

00:20:44 - Courtney Elmer
So that's number two and number three. I know I mentioned number two was hard, but oh, my goodness, number three is hard. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. Number three is really hard, but it's also really necessary, and that is to look for the good, especially in tragedy. Now, what I do not mean here is to put on your rose-colored glasses and pollyanna your way through everything.

00:21:14 - Courtney Elmer
That's not going to work. So many people make the mistake of poly-anning the situation, which dismisses the very important emotions and mental health issues that you are feeling and that you need to feel in order to process what's happening. So looking for the good does not mean pretending that you're fine. It does not mean saying, oh, it's hard, but it's all happening for a greater purpose and a reason, or God has a plan because all that does is serve to invalidate how you actually feel. God doesn't want you to dismiss how you feel, otherwise, he wouldn't have created your emotions in the first place.

00:21:54
And when bad things happen, it is easy to forget that things are working together for your good. Sure as heck does not feel that way at the moment. Two days after this ER trip, Alan had to remind me that there was good at work simultaneously with all of the bad because I was so swept up in the bad that I didn't see it most. Never look for the good. I'm guilty.

As humans, we have a tendency to dwell on the negative. This is why the sting of rejection carries so much more weight than the positive emotions that come when someone gives you a compliment.

00:22:38
Now, some people will find the good, but they only look for it retroactively because once you have some distance from the situation, it can be easier to see the good looking back on it, as it was for me this week. But what I want to offer you here is that you can look for the good proactively, too. There was nothing that felt inherently good about going to the ER. But when I looked back, I saw that it was good that Alan and I were together in this situation. It was good that we both have flexible enough jobs that we can adjust on the fly, even when it's not ideal.

00:23:20
It was good that the CT scan did not reveal anything more serious.

00:23:28 - Courtney Elmer
Looking for the good here does not mean putting on your rose-colored glasses as a way of dismissing how you feel and pouring sugar over every bad situation. But it does help keep you aware and attuned to even the smallest of things that you can genuinely be grateful for in the midst of suffering, which will help whatever it is you're going through feel ever so slightly less overwhelming at the moment.

So if you're going through something right now, I challenge you to look for something good, even if it's small. And when you find it, you'll see what I mean by how that helps you not feel as weighed down by all the bad and the negative that's going on around you while growing your business. And as I sat here recording this just days ago, we found out about the school shooting in Tennessee.

00:24:27
I had already prepared this episode prior to that happening and hadn't had a chance to record it. And as I sit here, I am acutely aware that even if you were not directly involved in this situation, it doesn't mean that the weight of it is not affecting you. And before I recorded this episode today, I went back through my three points, and I said, Courtney, this stuff you're about to share, does this apply even in moments of an extreme tragedy like this? What can you change in this episode to make it more relevant? And when I record episodes like this, they're very inspired.

00:25:08 - Courtney Elmer
They come from a very inspired place. And as I went back through, I didn't change anything because even in tragedy, even in the darkest of valleys in your life, and even while growing your business, these three things will always apply. Because the unexpected life stuff is going to happen. It's unavoidable. We don't live in a vacuum.

00:25:40
We don't live in a perfect world. So while you might not be able to avoid whatever it is that lies ahead of you in your path while growing your business, you can learn how to navigate it more effectively. Navigating it more effectively doesn't mean that it won't feel like a struggle. It doesn't mean that it won't feel difficult. It doesn't mean that you still won't want to run and escape that valley as quickly as possible.

00:26:10 - Courtney Elmer
But it will better equip you to reap the rewards of the fruit that is there for you in the valleys of your life and business while you're growing your business. Because if you look back at ancient civilizations, where did they settle? They didn't settle on the top of a mountain. They settled in the valley because it was the most fertile ground.

00:26:36
So when you can look for the good that is happening for you in the valleys in your life, even while growing your business, when you can find the good that is happening for you because of the valleys in your life, that, my friend, is a very sweet reward.

00:27:01 - Courtney Elmer
Thank you so much for joining me today on another episode of AntiFragile Entrepreneurship™. And if this episode spoke to you, it would mean the world if you would share it with a friend. If you love the show an you've been listening to it for a while, and you haven't, let me know how this show is impacting you in your life and in growing your business, I would love to hear from you. All you have to do is scroll down in your Apple app, tap the five stars, and just write a quick review. Even one sentence helps because what it does is it let other people know that this show is worth listening to.

00:27:37
And if you want to connect with me personally, please come look me up on Instagram. I'm there @thecourtneyelmer. I love seeing you in my DMs. It brings me no greater joy than to see someone like you who listens to the podcast religiously pop into my DMs and say, oh, my gosh, I heard such and such episode, and it blew me away. And thank you for that.

00:27:57 - Courtney Elmer
You know, that really lights me up as a host because I pour my heart into this show for you. And the only thing that I want for this show, the only thing I've ever wanted for this show, is for it to provide real value for you. And that's also why, coming up next week, I am going to walk you through a simple exercise to help you explore. We're going to go ahead and call them the wordless voices that are holding power right now for you in growing your business and keeping you stuck inside your problems and preventing you from showing up powerfully in your digital business. So join me back here next week for that.

00:28:40
And until then, let's go out and get into growing our business through what we go through together.