How To Grow Through What You Go Through

Courtney Elmer  0:00  

Welcome back. This is episode 164. I'm your host, Courtney Elmer. And if you've been a longtime listener, you might notice some big changes around here. I am so excited to roll this out to you because it has been a long, long time coming. And in today's episode, I'm going to tell you all about what these changes are, why these specific changes. Why now, and most importantly, what this means for you. That's all coming up next. So stay tuned. 

Courtney Elmer

Globally ranked among the top shows in business and education. We're known for helping overworked online business owners navigate the ups and downs on the way to seven figures. Each week, you're going to learn how to get the right systems structure and support in place. So you can build a self sustaining business that thrives in a rapidly changing digital environment, and grow through what you go through to create the greater income, influence and impact you deserve. This is AntiFragile Entrepreneurship™. 

Courtney Elmer

Maybe you've heard it said that on the other side of every breakdown in your life, there is always a break through. And back in episode 160, I shared some major personal challenges that I've been going through these past six, eight months now. And describe for you in detail the major breakdown that I experienced this past year. And it hit me really hard. But the number one thing that I held on to was the hope that even in my darkest moments, I knew, without a doubt there was a breakthrough coming. I didn't know what it was, I didn't know when it would get around to actually breaking through which can be the hardest place to be in. Because you're in it. You can't wish your way out of it. You can't work your way out of it. It's just gonna take as long as it takes. And as I was recording that episode, I could feel this sinus drip starting in the back of my throat. 

Courtney Elmer

This was almost four weeks ago, you can probably still hear the residual effects of that in my voice today. And over the course of the next few days after recording episode 160 I got really sick. Now I have been healthy for the past 14 plus months. Our family had COVID Last year, I stayed healthy, the flu went through our house two times I stayed healthy. But it was a little sinus drip that got me and I spent an entire day in bed. And what I'm going to say next is going to sound totally nuts. But I was thrilled. I was so thrilled about this because I know that in the past, my biggest breakthroughs have always come when I was sick, and specifically sick in bed. You can look back at my history, many of you know my story. In my late teens and early 20s. I suffered from severe depression, OCD, and anorexia. And during that time in my life, during that season of healing, I spent a lot of time in bed. And there were a lot of breakthroughs that happen. There was a lot of healing that happened. 

Courtney Elmer

Fast forward a few years later, there I am laying in the hospital, a cancer patient. Again, I found myself in bed. And the breakthroughs and the healing happened. I've shared here on the show before about the chronic migraines that I've experienced throughout my life and still am experiencing to this day that I am still working on figuring out the emotional root cause of it. A lot of times those landed me in bed for an hour, a couple of hours a whole afternoon sometimes days. And then of course just the everyday cold sinus infections, springtime pollen, whatever it is, right like these past few weeks that I've been experiencing. So I'm laying in bed sick, and I'm thinking to myself, Okay, maybe this is it. And I know I probably should have been resting. But I also have noticed about myself, that in periods when I'm forced to be still like when you're sick. It's like this new doorway opens up in your brain where the thoughts that couldn't get through before finally can come through. 

Courtney Elmer

So as I was laying in bed, I was using some of that energy for some creative client work, as well as some internal team work. We've expanded a lot here recently there have been a lot of changes happening on the team. And that afternoon, around 2:15pm Because I remember this distinctly completely out of nowhere, boom. It hit me the divine download the breakthrough, the one that I have been waiting for for months, if not years. To realize, and I'm going to tell you what it was. But first, it's probably not news to you that any journey of growth or healing happens from the inside out. You might have heard it said that growth is kind of like peeling back the layers of an onion. And it is, I find that to be a very accurate metaphor, peeling back the layers of yourself to reveal who you truly are, who you were before all those layers get put there in the first place. And I believe that this particular breakthrough was a layer of my own onion that had been peeling for over 15 years.

Courtney Elmer

And one that I was only able to finally peel back because I've been peeling it for over 15 years. But, and this is a big, but here, I think an inside out approach shortchanges us, because healing and change also happen from the outside in. And what I mean by that is that typically, inward growth is triggered by an outside circumstance that triggers the need for change. The problem is, too many people react to outside circumstances and never calibrate the inside. On the other hand, some work only on the inside, but they avoid the outside, they resist the outside. And this was a place I found myself in after my journey of healing got started, was it was exciting, it became fun and enjoyable to work on the inside, I was seeing growth, I was seeing progress. 

Courtney Elmer

But the outside circumstances, the stuff that I didn't anticipate and didn't expect, those things would derail me. But now, I know, without a doubt, you need both. Because the outside circumstances trigger the need to peel the onion in the first place. It's the catalyst that gets you peeling. And the way that you peel the onion is not from the outside, but from within. So if you apply this metaphor back to my own circumstances of the past six or eight months, all of the outward challenges that I faced were the catalyst for me peeling back this next layer of my onion, I wouldn't have had a need to go deeper, or to peel back any more layers had these outward challenges not initiated the need to do so. And during that time, as hard as it was, and as much as I resisted it most days. At the same time, I knew it was refining me. I didn't know what for. But I held on to the hope that it would be revealed in time. And right before that thing that breakthrough is revealed. There's an intensification just when you think things are going to break, just when you think you're going to break and things can't possibly get any worse. Somehow they do. 

Courtney Elmer

Chances are you know exactly what I'm talking about. In those moments that are the most difficult moments you face of hardship, and suffering. When you're ready to quit, when you are ready to just get back to normal, whatever that is to get your life back. To get back in your routine back in your rhythm back in the swing, things somehow get worse. And that is when you know, you're really really close to that breakthrough. So in seasons like this, the image that comes to my mind is of L in Stranger Things when she's doing her mind control thing and she's in the void. If you've seen the show, chances are you know exactly what I'm talking about. But if you haven't seen the show, but I want you to do right now is picture yourself in a place where there is nothing around you as if you were in space, but you're still held down to the ground by gravity. Everything is dark above you beneath you. It's dark, it's just a void. You know which way is up and down because you're standing on the ground. But because it's dark, you have no idea which way to go. So in the show, l would go through this dreamlike state, and like a dream different scenes would appear. Some of them were connected, some of them totally disconnected from each other.

Courtney Elmer  9:43  

And this is a lot like when we're in our lives. And we keep experiencing these problems that appear out of nowhere, problems that you just don't fully understand problems that you have no idea how they connect or if they connect or why they're happening or what on earth they could possibly mean. But you're experiencing them, and it's causing you pain. And the world around, you can get really dark. And things can start to feel really heavy. And you might not know which way to go or what to do. And it can feel really confusing. And the farther you walk, the more problems keep appearing. Whenever you face times of darkness, unknowing suffering in your life, whether it's big stuff, or a lot of little stuff, or a mix of all this stuff, it can feel dark all around you. And oftentimes, it feels like we have no choice, you just have to endure it, you just have to walk through it. But every step is painful. Because every step is uncertain. And part of you wants to avoid it, it wants to escape it, part of you wants to get out of there as quickly as you can, but you can't. Because these things keep happening that you have to deal with one after the other after the other after the next after the next it's like you can hardly catch your breath sometimes. And all you can do all that is within your control to do is to keep moving through them. And eventually, you reach a point where things are happening so fast. 

Courtney Elmer

No sooner do you get through one thing that the next one appears in the next one. This is the intensifying This is the intensification things are still dark, things feel worse than before. Things feel harder than ever, you really want to quit, you still don't have the answers. You don't know for what greater purpose they're happening. You're just holding on to a thread of hope that they are happening for a reason. Maybe at that point, you've lost that hope. But in that moment of intensification, you just know that even if there is a purpose, even if a purpose to all of this pain and suffering and problems exists, you don't care what it is, because you are so bone tired, you're exhausted. You have no bandwidth left. And this was me at the tail end of this past year, and at the beginning of this year. Because I didn't know it at the time. I didn't know what was happening, why it was happening, why it kept happening. I just knew that ultimately that purpose, whatever it was, would be revealed in time, I didn't have control over the timeline, I just hoped that it would be sooner than later. 

Courtney Elmer

And I also knew that I didn't have it in me to keep going much longer. I had reached that point. And this was the point when just a few weeks ago, my body agreed. And like I said I hadn't had so much as a sniffle in well over a year. And here I was smack in bed with a sinus infection. But just like in Stranger Things when L is in this void, she usually sees something in these visions that gives her guidance on what to do next. Sometimes she gets pieces of it, sometimes she doesn't have the whole picture. And later on the pieces add up and it makes sense. Other times she comes out of there with crystal clarity. And it's a lot like this in our lives isn't when we're in a space of darkness when we're hoping that we're getting closer to the breakthrough. And there's this intensification and then suddenly it's as if this door appears and we know we're really close, we know the answer is on the other side of that door. But nothing you try will open the door no kicking, no punching, no pushing, no beating it down. Nothing. 

Courtney Elmer

You just have to sit in the dark until it opens and the light appears. So here I was sick in bed sitting on one side of what I've now started to call in my life, the door of confusion waiting for it to open on one side of the doors confusion on the other side is clarity. And that intensification when things in your life get really intense and you feel like it just can't go any more. That's usually when the door peers it's not necessarily when it opens. But that's when it appears that's when you know you're close. So I'm sitting there on the confusion side of a door just waiting. Brian, come on. Please, please open. It's been eight months open. Alright, I've had enough open already. And chances are you've experienced those moments to where you're like I give up. This is it I quit it If I can't get somehow you do, somehow you keep going. And through the many years and through the many trials in my own life that I've experienced, as you likely have, you know, you already know that when you stop pushing, when you stop resisting when you stop kicking, that's when the door opens when you stop. 

Courtney Elmer

And now, it's like a scene in a Indiana Jones movie, where he's found the hidden secret passageway with the amazing thing on the other side of it, and he knows it's there. He's right there. And it's intense, and it's scary, and the walls are feeling like they're caving in. And he's doing everything he can to open the door. And he can't figure out how to do it. And suddenly, he just stops, and he turns around, and he kind of leans up against the back of the door. And then in that quiet moment, there is a click. And it opens. breakthroughs are just like that. And that's exactly what happened, I stopped, I finally stopped and click the door open. And immediately I tell you in an instant, I knew exactly why I had to go through what I went through those six or eight months prior however long it was I've lost track at this point in order to get here. So even if you don't stick around to find out what my breakthrough was, what I do want you to walk away with from this episode is this. No matter what challenge you're facing in your life right now, the only way out is through. It has always been it always will be the only way there is no escaping your problems, there is no avoiding your problems, there is no reaching a certain point in your business or in your revenue where the problems magically disappear. 

Courtney Elmer

There's no skipping over them in order to get the wisdom and experience gained from said problems. It doesn't work like that. I wish it did. But it doesn't. And though I walk through the valley, the dark valley, I have no fear. Because I know that the door is there, I just might not be able to see it yet. And I know that in order to get out of any dark season, I just have to keep moving through until I do until the door appears until the door opens and the light flicks on and there's clarity, and there's peace. So for a long time now, within my self within my business, I have been feeling like there is something greater, something much greater that ties all of my interests within my business together. And if you know me, you know, I am absolutely obsessed, obsessed, I tell you with psychology and emotional intelligence, fascinated so much so that I started pursuing a master's degree in psychology, just because just because Okay, if that's not crazy, I don't really know what it is. But that's how fascinated I am with that field. And with how our brain works and with neuroscience, and in applying that to my work as a coach. And in addition to that, I'm gifted when it comes to business systems, organization details, these things are second nature to me. And I also love everything about podcasting and leadership and using your voice and taking a stand for what you believe in. And how to do that in your marketing and how to do that in your communication with your clients, with your team, with your community, with your family. And with human connection.

Courtney Elmer  19:31  

And when you look at this list, I have just given you not many of these things really tied together, right? They're all kind of these standalone things. I mean, you can study psychology, or emotional intelligence if you were to create a business, okay, maybe you could kind of blend them a little bit. But how do you blend that with podcasting and leadership and marketing and all of these things? So through the years I have been met with nothing but resistance from these business gurus who admitted Lee have way bigger businesses than me, admittedly, are way more successful, revenue wise than I am. And they say, well, Courtney, you just have to niche down just pick one thing, one thing, what are you most interested in? And I could never answer that question. Never. Why? Because there isn't any one right answer. Now, I will say that when it comes to building an offer, and a marketing funnel to that offer, yes, 100,000%, it must absolutely be focused, and specific, around his central message, driving traffic through that funnel to that specific offer that solves a specific problem. And we've done that we've got multiple funnels, we've done that with our podcasting program. We've done that with our business systems program, we'll do that with other programs, or whatever else we roll out in the future. But they are all pieces of a greater whole. And this was always the stance that I took.

Courtney Elmer

 And I would bump up against these industry leaders saying, there's more to it, there's more to it than just a funnel, my business is more than just a funnel, the work I'm here to do is more than just a frickin funnel. And that's why I kept resisting that I had to boil my hole down to one piece. Because as I saw it, all of these interests were like puzzle pieces to a greater picture. It was a picture that I couldn't see yet. Because I didn't have the box, I just had the pieces. And the breakthrough that I got just recently was the breakthrough. That gave me the box. And I cannot even begin to describe the joy that I feel right now tingling through my body, that I get to share this with you today that you get to be the first to hear it. Because we haven't rolled it out anywhere else yet. Only a handful of people know about this right now. And that close group of people that I have run this idea by since this breakthrough, have all been from different walks of life, different industries, different levels of expertise. And it resonates with every single one of them, which is how I know I've tapped into something universal. And this is what excites me. So what you see me rolling out here today is the start of what I believe will become a new movement within the entrepreneurial space. I don't say that from ego. I say this from a place of deep inner knowing that it is now more than ever, what business owners need because it is a shift away from what breaks us and a shift toward growth, but not growth like most people talk about growth, growth because of what breaks us. Let me explain. So there is a concept that exist. That is coined by a man named Nazim. Nicholas Taleb. I think I'm saying his name, right. I don't even know. But he's coined this concept called anti fragility and are generally it's applied in the financial sector. Nazim was a mathematical statistician. He was a former options trader, he was a risk analyst. 

Courtney Elmer

And this concept has been applied in risk analysis, physics, molecular biology, even in transportation planning, engineering, aerospace and computer science. And in his book, anti fragile, he stresses the difference between something that is anti fragile, and something that is merely robust, or even resilient. Anti fragile, takes things one level deeper. When you think about it, something that is fragile, means that it's easily broken under pressure. It's easily broken under stress. When there is a force that comes against it, boom, it breaks. That's what fragility means. Now, something that is robust is one layer above something that's fragile. Because something that is robust, can resist stress, it can endure it, but nothing happens. Because of it. It doesn't get stronger because of the stress. It just withstands it. Think about it this way those with really robust a immune systems when this pandemic hit, were better able to resist the stressor, they were more likely to stay healthier, longer. But their immune system didn't get stronger necessarily just because the stressor exists. 

Courtney Elmer

Now, most of us tend to think that the opposite of something that is fragile is something that's resilient, where resilience is defined as something that recovers after damage, and maybe even adapts, because it's better prepared than to withstand future stress. But this is not the end all be all, this is where most people end, I used to think this was the end, that the more resilient you could become in the face of stress, the less stress would affect you, even if it was going on around in your life, the less it would affect you. And if you've been following me since day one, you know, this is where I started my business, literally, with the tagline of stress less, live more. Because the concept of resilience has always been one that's deeply significant for me. But I've since learned, resilience only gets you so far. There's actually one level deeper one level above resilience that describes an organism that doesn't just adapt. But that grows because of stress that grows because of adversity that grows through it. And because of it. And because there's no word that exists for something that's the exact opposite of fragile. We simply call this next level, anti fragile. And so from the book, Nassim says anti fragility goes beyond resilience or robustness. The resilient resists shocks to the system and recovers after damage. But the anti fragile gets better because of the shocks to the system. 

Courtney Elmer

So chances are in your life, you have likely experienced pain, trauma, suffering, difficulty, big hurdles, everyday challenges. And chances are, if you're listening to my voice right now, you have grown as a result of those challenges. Whereas without those challenges, you might not have had the same opportunity to grow. Maybe you grew intentionally, maybe you grew without trying. But bottom line you grew because of it. And who you are also determines how you approach the challenges that you're faced with. You've heard me say it before, I'm gonna say it again. You can be resentful of the challenges that come your way you can resist them, you can cause yourself a whole lot more pain and suffering in the process. Or you can relax your grip. And allow yourself to move through whatever you're facing. Because you can come at it from a place of knowing that by moving through it, you will grow because of it. And this is why anti fragility is on a fundamental level different from resiliency. It's different from merely being robust. Because anti fragility describes someone or something that increases their capacity to thrive as a result of the chaos as a result of the mistakes as a result of the faults and the failures and the volatility and the adversity that they go through. And I can think of no better place to apply this than to the world of entrepreneurship, and specifically online business. Because every single day as an online business owner, you the human who is running the business

Courtney Elmer  29:33  

is faced with challenges. These might be personal challenges, maybe professional challenges, maybe personnel challenges, maybe profitability challenges. There might be some days where you're hit with all of them. I've had those days and resilience, grit, know how expertise knowledge, these things are not enough to overcome the challenges You face as an entrepreneur, especially when your limitations are working against you Your limited time, your limited resources, your limiting beliefs. Because running an online business is harder today than it ever has been in history. The stakes are higher, the competition is higher, and you are going to face obstacles. But what if you could learn how to leverage adversity to your advantage? What if you could learn how to turn every obstacle you face into an opportunity for massive trajectory changing business growth, and massive personal growth to forget marketing tactics, forget lead generation strategies, forget income projections. This is your new competitive advantage. The degree to which you learn how to innovate because of the challenges you face in your business, is the degree to which you will succeed in business because of your ability to innovate and thrive where others can't, where others won't be able to even, and especially when the odds are stacked against you. This right here, right now, what I am describing this is anti fragile, entrepreneurship. This is a new way to live. And to work. This is going to completely change the way that you approach the inevitable challenges that you face within your online business. 

Courtney Elmer

So you can thrive in a constantly changing digital environment, and grow through what you go through to create the greater income, influence and impact that you want, and that you deserve. Now, maybe you don't feel your hair standing up on the back of your neck and your arms like I do right now. But I cannot wait cannot wait to lead you on this journey. And most especially through example, what it means to be an anti fragile entrepreneur. Because I have always said this, that behind every business, there's a human, there is a human behind every business. Without the human, the business, it's just a business, it's nothing is nothing without the human behind it without you behind it. And in order for the business to grow and thrive, you need to be growing and thriving as well. And this can be difficult to do when you are met with challenges and fires that you are expected to put out every single day where every single day, there's no day that comes without a problem without something that you have to deal with. And the reality is there will never be a day that comes without something in it that you have to deal with.

Courtney Elmer

 But what if you knew how to deal with it differently? What if the way that you approached it, the way that you dealt with it actually brought you excitement, because you knew you knew that no matter what would come your way that it was going to lead to your growth, that it was going to lead to your business growth. Suddenly, the challenges you face, although they may still come with emotions that you will have to work through and pain and suffering, suddenly, they might not seem so challenging. They might actually seem exciting. You might actually even dare I say start to look forward to them. So this is where we're going. And this is what you can expect of the podcast. In the episodes ahead. I am still going to be giving you the exact systems and structure and support that you need to build a self sustaining business that can thrive in a very quickly changing digital environment, to navigate the ups and downs on the way to seven figures and to grow through what you go through to create the greater income and impact that you want. The systems are a key piece of this. They always have been and they always will be. But they are a piece to the greater whole.

Courtney Elmer

 And in addition to that you're also going to be hearing from founders and industry leaders who have successfully navigate Did some monumental challenges in their own life and in their own business, including what specific obstacles they faced, whether those were personal or professional. But also the specific approach the specific strategies that allowed them to turn the obstacle into an opportunity for growth, and how their current business has evolved since they faced that obstacle. So that you can take and apply whatever they've learned to your business. And perhaps avoid some of those mistakes. And better prepare yourself for some of the challenges that you're likely to face in your own entrepreneurial journey to. So if you're tired of struggling to balance your work and your life, and you're tired of feeling like you're growing your business, at the expense of your family, and more importantly, at the expense of your own sanity. And if you're ready to feel like you can take a deep breath again, and actually enjoy the work that you're here to do. 

Courtney Elmer

Then make sure you hit the Follow button and whatever app you're listening in right now. And join me right here each week, as always, because I want you to know how grateful I am to be on this journey with you. We're not in this alone. We're very much in this together. And I would love to hear from you about what you think about this evolution in my own journey and how all of this is landing for you. Like I said, I've shared it with a few people. But this is the first that anyone publicly is hearing of this. So consider yourself special because I've not shared this anywhere else. And shoot me a DM on Instagram. I'm at the Courtney Elmer, I would love to hear if this is something you're excited about. Or you're like, oh my gosh, Courtney Elmer, no, I'm out. You probably won't even DME if you are. But I would love to hear from you and just to know how this lands for you. And coming up next week on the show. We're going to be talking about what is limiting you? Or more specifically, who is limiting you? And you might be surprised to find out that the answer isn't always yourself. So join me back here next week to see what I mean. And until then, go live your EffortLESS Life®.